This is probably the bottom line of it all - do what makes you happy, and the rest will follow. If you are able to find ONE thing in life that truly gives you satisfaction, I believe you will have more motivation to go through the rest of the bullshit, whatever that may be, so as to partake of true Happiness. I could say the same thing as everyone else, that you need to deal with everything in your head before going out and traveling, but that would make me a hypocrite - the only thing I myself am relying on as well is that somewhere, out in that vast and great Unknown, is some semblance of true happiness. The more time you have to simply sit and think about your own problems, while also being provided for with the necessary essentials of maintaining a living human body is generally NOT a good thing. Somebody posted a long time ago something about how having to focus on helping yourself to merely SURVIVE is the greatest of distractions, and I wholly believe that's true. Of course, for someone with mental illnesses, it's quite a bit more difficult... But I believe it still holds true.
While I was hitchhikin' cross country, my own petty bullshit mental hangups were removed, a hell of a lot more than they are now that I live a life of stasis, loneliness, and isolation. Each day was an adventure, and I never knew who I was going to meet or what the day would bring - somehow, that uncertainty was more of a motivating factour to get me up in the morning and out into the sunlight of day than knowing that each and every day is going to pass in exactly the same fashion. Of course, this 'unknowingness' can certainly be so totally ungrounding that people can crumble under it - we, as human beings, need SOMETHING familiar and grounding in our lives, be it a person, a camping spot, hell, a certain place where we go get coffee every morning. To be assaulted daily with the unknown DOES indeed get old after a while.... So, that's something else that you should consider, I s'pose.
The label of 'bi-polar' is so commonly used in our society that I feel that it's rare that most (about 80%) of the people 'diagnosed' with it actually have it; I'm one of them. I think it's more about living a life that is not self-actualized, and doing things and being with people that bring you fulfillment, or lacking the proper mechanisms to go out and find said things/people for yourself. Then, the depression sets in, and once you're into it, it gets harder and harder to escape. I know how it feels..
At any rate, you're REALLY damn close to me, relatively speaking. Perhaps we should go on a walkabout?
I'm working a shitty, shitty, shiiittttyyyy job right now, but...
