but I'm living my life for someone else and it's killing me.
Well, I chose this excerpt as my 'jump-off point' because this is the path you chose, which ultimately led to your life lacking fulfillment.
When you chose to find someone to engage in a lengthy courtship with, you essentially include someone in your life - not live for them. When you decide to have kids, you do indeed settle down (unless you choose to adopt said kids off). However, you're never bound by some unwritten contract to live for someone else - because your kids will grow up with their own characteristics, only
requiring food, water, education (not all the time necessary, but great if you wish to keep Child Services off your ass) and shelter. Guidance, and all other emotional contributions, are of course helpful in the child rearing process but (in the case of myself) aren't always offered outside of the occasional ass whooping.
Although I commend you for wanting to engage your inner free spirit, bear in mind it doesn't have to be in a manner where you totally walk away from the life you built. Meld the rubber tramping ideology with your family. Hell, maybe your woman and kids would totally dig the new experience.
There are many individuals who frequent this form who've been everywhere. They are heavily armed with knowledge beyond even my wildest dreams, which is why I love reading things here more times than I'll insert my unfiltered opinion. In this case, it's just hard to digest someone saying
they're living for someone else when, in all actuality, they signed up for the shit and knew potential risks prior to committing.
No offense in any of this. Just boldly stating facts.
Good luck rediscovering yourself, and if you have any questions about rubber tramping or whatnot, I (or others) are just a PM away.
Namaste.
P.S.: I'm 43. I'll beat the pavement until I'm 90, Lord willing. You're only as old as you choose to believe, my friend.