MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko (1 Viewer)

Coywolf

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MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko - https://thehardtimes.net/culture/mit-physicists-describe-a-theoretical-fifth-loko/

MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko
fifthloko-jpg.52815_MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko_General Banter_Squat the Planet_6:32 AM

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BY JOHN DANEK | SEPTEMBER 15, 2019
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CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the fifth sequence of the energy/alcohol drink Four Loko, belligerent physicists slurred at a press conference.
“No… listen. No, you listen! I think… I think we found the Fifth Loko, and… just fucking hear me out, man — it’s fucking nuts,” mumbled a visibly intoxicated and amped-up Dr. Sandra Weymouth, lead professor on the project. “You know, we all know the first Four Lokos are caffeine, guarana, taurine, and… shit. Caffeine, guarana… taurine. Alcohol? I think so. Those cowards took out the good stuff, but we figured it out, and we found a fifth. Boo-yah, bitches.”

Sophomore undergraduate and suspended R.A. Tricia Donnoly helped the researchers by volunteering to consume what was described as an “ungodly” amount of alcohol.
“Oh, my god… those guys refuse to give me any credit!” shrieked Donnoly before very obviously vomiting in her mouth and swallowing it. “And, ladies and germs, I am proud to you to announce to you the fifth Loko… which is called… fuck you. I threw up on a chalkboard in the physics building and they stole my fucking work. Bitches. Anyways, it’s datura. Fifth Loko… datura. I got real fucked on it. Do not recommend.”


Dr. Jeffery Carlsson, Dean of the MIT School of Sciences, offered his thanks and announced the future of the project.
“We want to thank the brave men and women who sacrificed their time, their livers, and their previously spotless criminal records for this pursuit of knowledge,” praised Dr. Carlsson. “Unfortunately, we can’t have datura-addled staff roaming the MIT grounds, yelling about their dead great aunts chasing them or fighting the groundskeepers because the leaf blowers are too loud. Everyone involved has been fired or is currently pending trial.”
Inspired by the Fifth Loko study, The Ohio State College of Optometry announced a new research project of their own to see how much MD 20/20 one must consume to achieve perfect vision.
 
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Brodiesel710

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I've had some really good times on this stuff, all but not limited to: taking a crap in the gulf of mexico, grabbing my own shit, then chasing my brothers friends around the beach, anybody wanna party??
 

iamwhatiam

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It's about time! It's been so long since we've had some proper "licking bloody vagina" type posts around here, I was beginning to question the caliber of this website. Let the glorious shit show continue!
 

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MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko - https://thehardtimes.net/culture/mit-physicists-describe-a-theoretical-fifth-loko/

MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko
View attachment 52815
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BY JOHN DANEK | SEPTEMBER 15, 2019

Play Punk Rock
on Amazon Music

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the fifth sequence of the energy/alcohol drink Four Loko, belligerent physicists slurred at a press conference.
“No… listen. No, you listen! I think… I think we found the Fifth Loko, and… just fucking hear me out, man — it’s fucking nuts,” mumbled a visibly intoxicated and amped-up Dr. Sandra Weymouth, lead professor on the project. “You know, we all know the first Four Lokos are caffeine, guarana, taurine, and… shit. Caffeine, guarana… taurine. Alcohol? I think so. Those cowards took out the good stuff, but we figured it out, and we found a fifth. Boo-yah, bitches.”

Sophomore undergraduate and suspended R.A. Tricia Donnoly helped the researchers by volunteering to consume what was described as an “ungodly” amount of alcohol.
“Oh, my god… those guys refuse to give me any credit!” shrieked Donnoly before very obviously vomiting in her mouth and swallowing it. “And, ladies and germs, I am proud to you to announce to you the fifth Loko… which is called… fuck you. I threw up on a chalkboard in the physics building and they stole my fucking work. Bitches. Anyways, it’s datura. Fifth Loko… datura. I got real fucked on it. Do not recommend.”


Dr. Jeffery Carlsson, Dean of the MIT School of Sciences, offered his thanks and announced the future of the project.
“We want to thank the brave men and women who sacrificed their time, their livers, and their previously spotless criminal records for this pursuit of knowledge,” praised Dr. Carlsson. “Unfortunately, we can’t have datura-addled staff roaming the MIT grounds, yelling about their dead great aunts chasing them or fighting the groundskeepers because the leaf blowers are too loud. Everyone involved has been fired or is currently pending trial.”
Inspired by the Fifth Loko study, The Ohio State College of Optometry announced a new research project of their own to see how much MD 20/20 one must consume to achieve perfect vision.
 

train in vain

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I've had some really good times on this stuff, all but not limited to: taking a crap in the gulf of mexico, grabbing my own shit, then chasing my brothers friends around the beach, anybody wanna party??
Id estimate this was 2010...I kept picking a girls nose till she punched me in the face and i was throwing my face into her fist because she punched...like a girl. Then i spit blood on her and laughed about it. Shortly thereafter a friend grabbed me and i lost my balance and we both went backwards into the wall leaving a massive hole in the drywall of my friends kitchen. This was all mostly in fun but I blacked out after that and i guess i got.mad and punched a hole in the wall and came to walking down the street in the rain at like 4 am.
I swear im not an oogle hahaha.

I went from not drinking at all to crashing literally hundreds of parties in a year in austin. We would find anywhere from 2 to 5 parties in a night every weekend and rage like fuckin fools from 2006 to like 2012. Made lots of friends and pissed lots of people off. Fun times to say the least.
 

Joe Btfsplk

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MD 20/20, no way, Night Train all the way!


"Don't let the 0.5% less alcohol by volume fool you, the Night Train is all business when it pulls into the station. All aboard to nowhere - woo wooo! The night train runs only one route: sober to stupid with no roundtrip tickets available, and a strong liklihood of a train wreck along the way.

This trainyard favorite is vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery, in in Modesto, CA. Don't bother looking on their web page, because they dare not mention it there. As a clever disguise, the label says that it is made by "Night Train Limited." Some suspect that Night Train is really just Thunderbird with some Kool-Aid-like substance added to try to mask the Clorox flavor. Some of our researchers indicated that it gave them a NyQuil-like drowsiness, and perhaps this is why they put "night" in the name. The picture (above right) shows that the subject that drank Night Train is down for the count, while the Cisco guzzling subject is ready to rock. Guaranteed to tickle your innards."

"Your bags have been packed, tickets have been punched, and now you are ready to take a ride on the Night Train Express!"

"For myself this was the bum wine that started it all. From the first time I heard the song Nightrain by Guns N' Roses, I knew that I had to give this fine wine a try. Upon first taste I could feel the rush come over me. I don't know if it was the massive amounts of sugar and sulfites, but it was time to take a ride on the train!"

For the full article and pictures go to:

 

Brodiesel710

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That website is epic, love his description of the booze!!! Speaking of MD 20/20 I had the privilege to collect and consume large quantities of "toxic flood booze" post hurricane Katrina. See pic.


brodie4-jpg.52934_MIT Physicists Describe a Theoretical Fifth Loko_General Banter_Squat the Planet_7:55 AM
 

Brodiesel710

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"Self-proclaimed as "The American Classic," Thuderbird is Vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery, in in Modesto, CA. Disguised like Night Train, the label says that it is made by "Thunderbird, Ltd." If your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then "T-bird" is the drink for you. Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird. As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower. The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage driking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum. A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird. Avaliable in 750 mL and a devastating 50 oz jug."
 

Joe Btfsplk

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“What’s the word? Thunderbird. How’s it sold? Good and cold. What’s the jive? Bird’s alive. What’s the price? Thirty twice.”

That person who wrote, "A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird" should have mentioned it originally was targeted for black folk, advertised heavily on AM stations with black audiences.

I've been in Show Low for road fuel. not T-Bird. Mad Dog 50-50, typical bum wine, people I knew used to get trashed on it. I stuck to beer. Later, the MD drinkers would be puking, later dry heaves. Agony.

I used to exit I-80 in Winnemucca, take 95 north to 140 up to Lakeview OR and over to Grants Pass OR. I see you nodding your head, you know the area; Black Rock Desert, Black Rock Range. I'd also stay in Winnemucca on the way to Sacramento.

I know Tonopah (-pah meaning water) and the Clown Motel before it changed hands. Are you familiar with RESTAURANT BAR SLUTS in Coaldale where 95 joins 6 heading east? Burned out place, some wag painted over the top of the O in SLOTS, it became SLUTS. Of course you've seen it, cannot miss it. I posted a picture of it on this site a few years ago.

Ever been in Green River UT and seen the Crystal Geyser, a soda-pop geyser? I could yammer on, but yeah, I like the area. How about Ely, Austin, and Fallon on 50? Old highway 722?
 

BradKajukenbo

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MD 20/20 was popular when in the 90's as I can remember. I never tried it. When I did drink, it was just beer.

Here now in my older years, I drink a few beers every now and then. Normally before bed I'll have a glass of JD and Coke. I only get shitfaced on New Years Eve. I go to the Humper MC New Years Eve party every year.

The Circle K in Shasta Lake City still sells MD 20/20. Thats the only place I've ever seen it lately
 

Brodiesel710

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“What’s the word? Thunderbird. How’s it sold? Good and cold. What’s the jive? Bird’s alive. What’s the price? Thirty twice.”

That person who wrote, "A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird" should have mentioned it originally was targeted for black folk, advertised heavily on AM stations with black audiences.

I've been in Show Low for road fuel. not T-Bird. Mad Dog 50-50, typical bum wine, people I knew used to get trashed on it. I stuck to beer. Later, the MD drinkers would be puking, later dry heaves. Agony.

I used to exit I-80 in Winnemucca, take 95 north to 140 up to Lakeview OR and over to Grants Pass OR. I see you nodding your head, you know the area; Black Rock Desert, Black Rock Range. I'd also stay in Winnemucca on the way to Sacramento.

I know Tonopah (-pah meaning water) and the Clown Motel before it changed hands. Are you familiar with RESTAURANT BAR SLUTS in Coaldale where 95 joins 6 heading east? Burned out place, some wag painted over the top of the O in SLOTS, it became SLUTS. Of course you've seen it, cannot miss it. I posted a picture of it on this site a few years ago.

Ever been in Green River UT and seen the Crystal Geyser, a soda-pop geyser? I could yammer on, but yeah, I like the area. How about Ely, Austin, and Fallon on 50? Old highway 722?
I haven't seen RESTAURANT BAR SLUTS but I'm for sure nodding my head right now. I'm in my own little world in Winnemucca but I'm slowly exploring other parts of the state. My wife had the opportunity to "work" at Burning Man for two weeks this year, sounded like a good time. Considering maybe wrenching there next year.
 

Joe Btfsplk

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"I'm in my own little world in Winnemucca..."

I'm nearly two-thousand miles east of you next to Lake Michigan. Plenty of water (I'm familiar with Southwest woes) and I live in an area with a million-plus people. Take that, you yokel.

I'm reclusive. I leave and drive anywhere west of the Big Muddy. Often.

Bet I know neater places in Nevada than you. I'm pompous.

Black Rock desert and Burning man; no interest. The Black Rock desert is huge, fortunately Burning Man is way south of the desert area I mentioned. Mine goes up to Oregon; north. Free-range area where I've been slowed down from zero to four miles-an-hour in the midst of steers and cows clogging the two lane road. Big animals, I didn't try to pet them.

Also, lots of wild horses and burros running around. I rodeo-broke many of them. Right...

Like your hurricane Mad Dog score pic change. I want to get a Night Train T-shirt.

The link to the sluts picture:

 

Brodiesel710

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So last night I tried tapping into this theoretical "5th Loko", I ended up combining the rest of my watermelon Four Loko with a Black Cherry White Claw...

NOTHING HAPPENED EXCEPT MY EMBARRASSING HANGOVER THAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW JUST FUCKIN PUNCH ME.
 

Odin

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Haha.... wait... I don't understand what is embarrassing about a hangover?

Just wait... until thy stop happening....

::oldman::
 

Brodiesel710

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Haha.... wait... I don't understand what is embarrassing about a hangover?

Just wait... until thy stop happening....

::oldman::
I just puked, and had diarrhea. I feel fuckin' horrible right now. I'm an idiot.
 

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