in which i announce my bid for anti-president.. (1 Viewer)


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.

ok.. sooo..

here. camped out in the van, on the ocean, i have realized i have no fucking desire, whatsoever, to be like any presidential candidate that i have ever fucking seen.

this includes jimmy fucking carter.

so i have decided on being the Anti-President.

can this be construed as terrorist?


Will they kill me for satire, if it merely pleases them?


will i die for satire or risk imprisonment, if it pisses them off in any truly constructive fashion?


& they will kill us what is *not* satire, also…

matt pyst was a sensi of mine, some many years ago...

do what you are obligated to.
not what you desire

keep your dick clean & give yourself no need to flush embryos out of your womb & you will never be obligated to any other life which can claim your existence as more important than the other lives which already claim you.

you think traveling is hard?

try not hitting up or bedding down, unless you are ready to care for whatever life begins from that, instead of potentially compelling the agonizing decision to terminate..

also, among my first acts..
i will order bill gates to stand for punishment for each windows user who has ever lost time to his defective, shitty, stupid fucking software and to accept cattle prodding for *exactly* as much time from any windows user who claims he deserves it

in his special case, clones will be created to keep his original brain alive.
least 127,000 years.. fucking asshole.

but i digress..

but.. being an *anti*- president, should i not??

o Christ.

O, o Christ.




& tonight??
hammering on my Sake’ & cased up in my highly ventilated van at just about freezing, with only the infrared from the heater to guess with..??

i *believe* i am pissing in a mason jar (homebum that i am) &* i mistake the large bottle of jalapenos (no shit!!) for my mason jar..


having dipped my dick therein???

well.. first the jar overflows, despite my having hammered 6 or so peppers from it..

i did not think the jar was so filled, so my dickhead is submerged, while i piss..
then it overflows & i think.. oh shit!! i missed!!

& then?

i realize i am in * the wrong fucking jar *

i say .. i says..

"O Shit"

& realize i was not merely missing, but *overflowing*....

i raise it up & see -jalapeños- the big, green & red kind..

& suddenly?

my dick lights up...

& is ignited, still, as i write, because.. guess what?? i like the *hot* fuckers...


ok.. i need to figure out how to deal with this ..


i have leaks in my roof, & a damp floor by water is bad enough..

i dunno..

can you ask for a better anti-president????


& She is here,


i envy my brothers in the howling Sea..

frigid, & with death throwing chains upon them,

or the bitter cages they Rape




might envy


not knowing her vengeance & the whim with which She inescapably offers it..

they may envy that i only Admire

& have yet to know the indifference & rage of her



The Forests Hate me..

i have raised my blade to Them for years..

not to devour them, as they Stand,

but i have none the less been a

saying "here.. here. Damn the Trees.. this is where you say you must build.. & now that i have told you, Pay me".

Pay me.

fucking pay me..

because as much as i am the child of my mother's & father's love
i am a child of the rape of what i hold most dear..

& if i had Courage

i would End my hypocrisy..

damn freedom.

Damn freedom & fucking life, if all they compel us to do is consume...

Damn Liberty & damn being Slaved to fighting.



what i believe is my right to escape from what corrupts them..


if there were only one hundred million humans
& yes, if we were smart enough to follow a simple rule that everything we make for personal consumption or personal use must be either biodegradable, geologically stable or 100% chemically inert,

& that our roads also accommodated transport by animal, with the comfort of the animals & beauty of the path also in mind,

then hell yes, i would have some kind of sense of Peace..

& i could claim whatever work i did
was constructive, rather than rapacious..

& all i have now, to place any claim upon innocence, are the weak imaginings of what i would be
if the world were as i desired…

what do you think we are becoming,
when we Kill the Yang fucking Tze RIVER..


so that we can have tablets & smartphones???

do you ****REALLY**** think we know what freedom is about, as we fucking dumb walk, or use the *tools* of dumbwalkers, unless we are being shot at, bombed, or throwing insurgencies against those whom demand we allow our subjugation to industrial economics???


jefferson was a shithead.

anybody who ever, ever, &EVER*


owned a slave

was a shithead.

a *S*H*I*T*H*E*A*D*.


shitheadmotherfuckasshole that *deserved* whatever they would have been given, at any moment, without retaliation or consequence, by *any* fucking individual they were subjugating.

period fucking period fucking period period.



georgieboy fucking washington??

THEY WERE *************SLAVEHOLDERS****************

the worst form of fucking humans there are.

the worst fucking form.

fuck their self-fucking fucking justifying genius,


fuck their revolutionary ‘all men created equal’ shit..

they were just like any of us fucks..
trying to justify their rape, because it kept them in comfort.


buddah had no slaves that i know of.
neither did christ nor lao tzu..

&i bet fucking einstiens's skin crawled against the idea

& so did fucking Ghandi's...

& the Sea?

*She* doesn't fucking care, because *She* is going to teach us a Fucking


& so i yammer about a fucking Boat..

about Getting The Fuck Out..

because i am guilty, too.

no slaves, but with my little netbook, here, i am doing my part to decimate everything i actually love..

it's as fucking sick as eating my own children's fingers...

"of course i love you... you have the very best thumbs, *ever*.."

or had them..

"i'm sorry i made them extinct, baby.. but.. after i'm done with your ears & eyes & most of your brain & anything it doesn't take to keep you alive enough so that i can eat all of you that i want? i *promise*.. i absolutely, positively, cross my heart hope to die promise that i ***will*** take care of that, because you & i both know that i *love* you, right??"

O, what i would do, if i actually had Balls...


i need to piss, again..

hopefully i will keep my dick out of the jalapeños...

There is Wind..

my God..


& a full, full Moon

on the Christ Mass..

donald trump..

you know?

if you want a revolution?

vote for the fucking duck.

he will bring us into a war, the likes of which we have not seen since hitler went into austria, & the emperor decided to convert the americans with..

you vote for fucking trump, & that fucker *wins*, you will have your fucking revolution, & you *may* have it world wide..

fact is that *any* 3rd party candidate that wins will completely destabilize the duopoly that is the US political system

bernie sanders...?

i'm all for that fucker.

if it comes down to bernie & trump, *there's* yer fucking revolution, on our own fucking soil, win or loose.

hillary & bill & george & his daddy are all whores..
& a whore is something you *chose* to be..

& donald?

well.. they keep him in a private room, because he is so fucking corrupt he doesn't even take fucking cash...

man.. hillary is just run of the mill, except highly polished.


trump is a fucking basket case..
kind of like a doctor who sees problems, but wants to dig in with a steak knife in the middle of the sidewalk.

i venture, that like most wealthy people, only a small fraction of his brain cells make logical connections..

politics is as perverse as any human art, & he makes as much sense as dali trying to paint with rotten bacon.

yes, you can call it art, perhaps..

but.. if you are trying do something *tangible*?

it ain't gonna happen.

the art of the disciplines of science will whip the fucking ass of pretension..

if it truly serves truth..

then she is a greater weapon than the sun upon earth.

i wonder what you children really know..

i wonder how ignorant of an old fat fucker i actually am...

if it's hillary & trump, vote for the trumphole..

make your fucking revolution *begin*..

we will be hated even more than when sonny george was pres because trump is such an evil shit that our political system deserves whatever damage it inflicts upon itself..


the Wind is kicking Up..

i am above the ocean,

& i am opening



you know, it says something a little bit hopefull that the democrats were able to put a socialist on stage..

strange thing is, though, when you think about it, trump is more of an anarchist than bernie..

much more of an asshole & a prick & a dumbfuck, too..
trump is a gutterpunk. without loyalty, except to himself..

i mean, think about it..

bernie is a fucking *socialist*..

now as an *economic* means to distribute profit, i'm fine with that..
the problem is..

1) there is an assumption that economic *growth* is necessary for a healthy population, &

2) .. which may be way bigger & way worse than number 1, is that the *government* becomes the economic policeman..
even *more so* than now..

socialism is NOT anarchy, by a long shot.

The Guardians in the republic of Plato & Socrates were fucking *poor*..
their needs were met, & met well, but they were not paid, could not accept gifts & had to *remain* poor, for the rest of their lives.. i believe punishment for betrayal of their office was death...

now.. all that is, is cherry picking.

i really don't know the Republic, at all, except from before when most of you were fucking born, & some of it seemed a bit tyrannical in terms of its citizens possibly being compelled to study & perform whatever craft they had "aptitude" for..

they used to do that in england.. you get fucking tested & what you test well as, you become, like it or not..

*that* is fucking socialism..
& i have no fucking desire for it..

anyways.. the guardians are fucking volunteers, & their sole motivation should be but to serve, and they are winnowed, as per Socrates, by education, testing & trial..

now.. i may have *all* of that wrong*.. i may just be putting out busted memories & half-ass thoughts, & frankly?

i'm fine with that.

i've always thought socratic dialogue was bullshit, unless it's being used for comedy, but.. that's something else, again..


if we are *lucky*, the race will be between bernie & trump...
i do not believe, even in my ugliest nightmares, there are *that* many stupid people.. enough to put him into office..

we have to be super carefull, though.. because bernie is a socialist..
& socialist are *fine*, as a strongly influential minority..
fine & a *good* fucking thing..

the thing about socialism, though, is that it *historically* has developed *mandated* party affiliations..
the fucking *nazis* called themselves fucking socialists..

shit.. by the time we see this through, *trump* may be wearing an armband, saying *he* is a socialist..

it's funny..
i'm suddenly struck by the similarity between hitler's fucking mustache & adolf's fucking comb-over..

of course, if all we want is to destabilize *any* prevailing economic system, we really don't have far to look, in any direction..

hillary will be a fucking nightmare..

she is a whore on the order of trump..

WHAT THE FUCK is the fucking SECRETARY OF STATE doing, accepting... how many fucking fucking millions of fucking dollars from foreign interests??? into a fund that bears her last fucking name???

she is OBVIOUSLY a fucking *traitor*, but sidesteps it with explanations, & thinks that a good explanation is enough to justify her desires..

she is a fucking *FAT CAT*... all told?
she is worth at *least* half a billion dollars..

my brain is screaming at daylight..


i want a president who lives in a small house, drives a volkswagon, & gives away most of his pay...

i want a *real* Guardian..

i want someone who will protect us from those whom have learned that they must control others, in order to be happy.

i want someone who will help us to teach freedom to our children..


or fortunately..

depending on how you look at it..

we are fucked..

& personally..?

when i am hovelled, with nothing against time & death but to look out & feel my body aging..?

maybe i will be somewhere where there are no screams & fires & i take can something i know that i did not do as a small victory, because i made what has happened happen with just a little less destruction than if i had been even more selfish and hatefull as i already am….

i am a fucking anti-president.
i am a fucking anti-whateverthefuckitis that has driven us into fucking yeasthood..

cities screaming where forests should be..
highways where there were hooves & wildflowers…

& nearing 10 billion of us, starving for comfort we could have if those who were so fucking ravenous for luxury merely did *not fucking exist*…

how absolutely strange that what we count as high adventure
is the exploration of the Ruinous..

i am sad..

every moment of love & beauty & freedom is fucking Threatened..

because every fucking moment of beauty that is not authorized, or sanctioned or profitable to those who need to control our steps in order to Devour as much of Us as they are able is something *they* construe

as thievery…

well then i am a thief,

and all I desire

is to steal my Self..


it's funny..


ted kennedy was running for president..

i hitched up to maine in the fucking winter & came across the canvassing for the presidential primaries..

i was talking to folks from both sides, & canvassed a bit for both, knocking on doors & handing crap out.. i did it for the Pubics, first & pretty well much said to myself “this is bullshit.. what does the other side say?” & handed *their* shit out & said “this is bullshit, too.. i need to get fucking going…”


Before Leaving…

i was invited into the building being used for headquarters.. big old building, lots of people milling around, volunteers, bigshots, cheese & crackers, but i was told i would have to wait in the basement with all the other dozens of unimportant people who were actually going to be the ones trying to elect the motherfucker..

& as people are doing all their milling & yarfing & crunching i notice..

A Blackboard.

& i was struck by the Idea that this would be a perfectly good & appropriate time to demonstrate the right of the individual to free and open declarations of philosophical and political content, fuck the fact that the guy who might be coming downstairs was (at the time) the frontrunner for the democratic nomination for president of the United States..

in fact, i thought it would be a very, very *very* good thing if someone started talking some fucking sense, given the bullshit i was seeing distributed in the name of political sideways-goosestepping…

i walk up to It & there is Chalk…..

now, it did not strike me as significant, but it stood behind the podium.. just an nice, old wooden stand in the basement of an old brick building..

& i pick up the chalk & i begin
to Rant…

it might have been all of 250 words, it might have been less.. i filled the fucking thing up, though, from top to bottom & i remember beginning along the line of:

“If we are to elect an individual to govern us, than that individual must know as much of us as they can. They cannot be merely a politician, but they must also be a scholar. Among us are many people who create in many ways. Our president *must* also be a poet, a scientist, and an artist”.
(i’m pretty sure i made some points about eschewing personal wealth and equity among citizens but i do not recall all of it for certain, these 36 years later..)
“Choose carefully, because if a candidate is not these things, already, then they have most likely made gaining that position more important than having the qualities to fulfill it, and are therefore already unfit to serve.”

Now.. this took.. i dunno.. 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes to put down?

i do know said my piece fucking Well.

i have few vague memories..
someone saying “you can’t use that blackboard” & ignoring them even as someone else was saying “sure you can..” .. i remember i was definitely near frenzied, & some folks looking at it & saying “that’s bullshit” & others saying “that’s pretty good” one older gent saying “you know, that’s exactly right..” & most folks just backing away looking at me slightly afraid at the unusualness of a young man with chalk during a political gathering.. very much as if as if i were a psychotic in their midst… & perhaps i was a little too tightly gripped, because after scratching across the blackboard & gritting my teeth at what i had finished, a young fellow came up to me & looking, said “that’s really good.. what do you mean by that one particular point?” at which i just barked at him “it’s obvious, isn’t it!!” & he just backed away with the others, too…
i regret that to this very day..
now.. as my breathing was returning to normal, i started hearing people say stuff..
“Ted is coming down!” “Did you hear that? Mr. Kennedy is going to talk!” & then..
more milling around.. more looking at the podium & the chalkboard behind it & at the scrawny kid in the scraggly coat with chalkdust on his hands.. & they mill & they wait..
& then i start hearing “he may not be coming down..” murmur. .murmur.. mill mill..
“He’s not coming down..” “He’s not coming down..” and i caught this vibe that somehow it was my fault, because either they thought i would do something unpredictable, or that he would be embarrassed, or that he just had no fucking balls..

in any case, i *have* had at least one episode of anti-presidenting to my name..

nothing much, but i suspect there is nothing much, coming up, again..

Happy new year, fellow anti-presidents..
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We sell all kinds of other stuff in our Etsy store!

Kim Chee

I closed my account
I had to stop when you wrote about your dickhead having been in jalapeno juice.

Hahhahahaa, ouch!

Never confuse the piss jug for thy water jug is what I say.


Apr 6, 2013
Try to get this posted...(technical difficulties lately)

So before we start. Let me pour you sir, a dram of this Rye.

To our health!

i raise it up & see -jalapeños- the big, green & red kind..

& suddenly?

This is a bad mishap, one level below catching your frenulum on your zipper.

& that our roads also accommodated transport by animal, with the comfort of the animals & beauty of the path also in mind,

yes, this mode of transport in "civilized nations" is marginalized and very unavailable... after all we must continue to feed the petrochemical industrialists while they squeeze every last drop of wealth from the oil economy while stalling and blocking innovation and planet healthy civil engineering alternatives.

Yang fucking Tze RIVER

The owner of a recently collapsed mine has committed suicide. It seems the state demands harsh retribution for failure. In such an atmosphere, true considerations like the health of a major river cannot be contemplated. At least not while our consumer demand creates an opportunity for them to import our wealth through garbage manufactured in planned obsolescence.

buddah had no slaves that i know of.
neither did christ nor lao tzu..

&i bet fucking einstiens's skin crawled against the idea

& so did fucking Ghandi's...

Spirit brothers... "pours another dram of Rye for all"

& the Sea?

A proper consort for a salty dog... when your chest beats with a crusted and cured leather pump and the siren call, the scent of her vast ocean guides you to catch wind and sail.

There is Wind..

my God..


& a full, full Moon


hillary & bill & george & his daddy are all whores..
& a whore is something you *chose* to be..

NWO, CFR, Bilderburgs, Bohemian Grove, Trilateral commission, UN, Two party system, lobbyists, campaign contributions, CEO's, Military Industrial Complex, MSM, Middle East, royalty, void of all integrity dancing on the edge of sanity.

10 billion of us, starving for comfort we could have if those who were so fucking ravenous for luxury merely did *not fucking exist*…

As long as people build empires and lust for eternal life.


@creature I'm joining your administration. I'm the anti-jester, as my first act I shall label all jalapeño jars as anti-piss containers with a oil based paint marker.
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I'm a d-bag and got banned.
Dec 4, 2014
en route
Don't despair.
Join me, Comrades. Like Pancho Villa in 1916. Like the Castro brothers with their Argentine doctor and little wooden boat in the Gulf of Mexico.

I am a Morlock, and its time to go out huntin


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.
Odin, Odin my Friend of Lightning..

as Anti-Jester, you shall have to do all the Serious Stuff..
like Getting Facts Straight

& choosing the Best Rye..

fortunately the Facts are
& the Rye shall help defend us from the Mistakes of those whom deny them..

Your gift for Translating whatever Ravings you see fit to the Masses is not unappreciated, even if they are of little use & perhaps even less cohesion..

you choose the Rye..
i will buy the Bottle..


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.
Ahh, you cute little, happy voodoo GlowWorm..

you get to manage the SpaceShip's tactical systems..
hit the buttons to yer little heat's content..
nothing like a strange, Glowing little Life Form with a big ass particle accelerator to teach them What The Fuck is being Said..

Brother X

caput gerat lupinum
Apr 5, 2015
Eugene, OR

The code for the anti-prez


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.
But.. but..
i thought the *real* presidents all used codes.. so.. soo..

codes would be wrong, right?

please don't confuse me..


a little more Rum, please...

you have some, too..

ahh.. yes..


i see..

i AM talking in code.. albeit a kinda factual one..

sorry about that..

utterly unintentional.. just..
more like a different language.. except it just makes itself up along the way,,,

deleted user

I closed my account
I know a guy in mexico, works in the police department..

rigs elections...

Make me vice, and i can put his talents to work, immediately.

hes on stand by

Besides im the perfect candidate, people love me

i have ice cream for a head.
nuff' said

Also a brilliant rapper.


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.
for my campaign, i will accept funny money, monopoly bills, iou's written in invisible ink, peanut shells & horse turds... as well as rusty bottle caps, bent washers and pretty stones that haven't been washed, yet..

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