How to choose an appropriate piss bottle (for guys)

[creature]

Ok.. so, to tell you the truth, i nam 58, & i think i've sen a girl pee about 3 times in my life, & really not very completely, at that.. should give you an idea of my co-gender experience..
hence i know what a guy needs to effectively piss at 2 or 3 AM in a fucking van, since no one else is around & all you may have are sake' & water bottles to scramble through..

get something like "simply orange" or something with about a 2 1/2" diameter opening..
my dick, though it has temporal magic, is 6" or so long, however it is determined that these things are measured from..
i have other stuff way bigger, but.. it just processes what i piss.. & is hella more important, i suspect..

in any case, avoid jalapeno pepper bottles, unless drained & emptied;

& tonight??
i *believe* i am pissing in a mason jar (homebum that i am) &* i mistake the large bottle of jalapenos (no shit!!) for my mason jar..

&...????

having dipped my dick therein???

i realize i am in * the wrong fucking jar *
.
& suddenly?

my dick lights up...

& is ignited,....

this is stuff to be carefull of..

before i was 35, i just used to piss out the door..
bro of mine told me how a piss bottle could save a little undue examination..

be carefull where you place it,
make sure you don't mistake for Listerine or some such shit..

def *NOT* for jalapenos..

or listerine,. sonabitches.. def def def def not..

that shit sucks..

anyways..

humor, but keep yer piss bags identified..

for fuckin' sure..

 

[LeeenPocket]

There is such thing as the "she wee" for the ladies.

The she wee is overrated and difficult to use in my opinion. Family Dollar sells multipurpose funnels with a nice curve. It works perfectly and is only a buck. Or a large cup from any fast food restaurant. Not as convenient as a bottle because you have to dump it immediately but it's better than having to get completely out of the car at night.

 

[creature]

but it's better than having to get completely out of the car at night.

wait.. wait..

girls have the same ptoblem???

 

[Satanic Botanic]

Gatorade bottles are the best. Large capacity, large opening, and a secure lid. If you can't fit your dick in a gatorade bottle you might actually be a horse.

 

[FromNowhere]

GT Dave's Kombucha bottles work too. Just wide enough to accommodate the flow without any spillage. 16 ounces is typically enough, but sometimes I have to change bottles midstream. That's when you learn there truly is an art to everything. XD

 

[Jerrell]

I use one of those large Hawaiian Punch jugs. I can use it more than once before emptying it. I don't actually drink Hawaiian Punch, so I'm not going to mistake it for something I would.

 

[Keystone Ice Kid]

Favorite 30 oz Arizona. Apple juice can be good aesthetically but might run into smaller opening and or inferior cap.

 

[Odin]

GT Dave's Kombucha bottles work too. Just wide enough to accommodate the flow without any spillage. 16 ounces is typically enough, but sometimes I have to change bottles midstream. That's when you learn there truly is an art to everything. XD

Aren't those kombucha bottles glass?? I'd imagine having that fall and break somehow.

... when I was overseas had to use regular water bottle a few times which required good aim and urin control ffs...Gatorade bottles were a big improvement so tried to keep a few in my space at the tent.

I've thought in the past that it might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle... but you might have to cut out the spout. Don't know if it would be worth the trouble.

 

[creature]

might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle...

Interesting..
Actually, if the funnel is wide enough, it might be usable?
More so for F's?

When I sleep in my van & have to go at night, I generally don't want to fumble for the light, or have to remove any more bedding than required, particularly in cold weather.

When it's nice out, whizzing under the stars can be a wee bit zennish, but when inclement, bedding back up can be a bitch, not to mention the etcetera..

That funnel (& jug handle) may help otherwise, too.

 

[FromNowhere]

Aren't those kombucha bottles glass?? I'd imagine having that fall and break somehow.

... when I was overseas had to use regular water bottle a few times which required good aim and urin control ffs...Gatorade bottles were a big improvement so tried to keep a few in my space at the tent.

I've thought in the past that it might be worth trying a large64 oz laundry bottle... but you might have to cut out the spout. Don't know if it would be worth the trouble.

Of course they are glass! Only a barbarian would pee into a plastic jug. I may be living in a van but I do have standards you know.

 

[creature]

Uhmm....

I thought *everyone* was a barbarian, here....

???

; )

 

[Dameon]

Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness. I will happily rise out of my warm comfy sleeping bag and stumble off for a piss in the snow rather than piss in a bottle. All y'all do all y'all, but please warn people before picking them up in your piss van. I've gotten picked up in nasty-ass vans that stink like piss and have piss bottles hanging around, and would have rather walked. Even if you don't smell the piss because you've gotten used to the smell of your own piss, I will.

 

[croc]

Someone with a vagina reporting in: If you angle a bottle with a wide mouth (like those Arizona ones pictured above, Gatorade, etc) against your anatomy, you can totally pee in a bottle too. I've done it in cars. Obviously if you have time to prepare, grab a funnel or something as stated above to make it easier. But in a last minute situation that should work for you..... Make sure it's as clean as possible to avoid infections/unscented baby wipe yourself after.

 

[croc]

I'd also like to heavily discourage using gallon water jugs since the inside of the lip is sharp as fuck... Unless you're into that

 

[creature]

Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness.

Guilty as charged, but the point is keeping the stuff contained..
I mean, a dedicated head is preferable, and I *think* reusability and effective emptying are among the merits desired.

I may be an old fuck, but I'm not quite Aqualung ; )

BTW, cool posts in the sailing section..

 

[DrewSTNY]

Since I generally end up in a hammock while traveling, I have not figured it the art of pissing in a bottle while in a hammock for certain. I can see where this works in a vehicle since I have had the privilege of pissing in a hospital bottle many years ago. There is something very satisfying about not having to get out of bed to relieve oneself in the dark of night. During summer months it generally decent weather, getting it off bed isn't bad, but in the cold, nope.

 

[Sameer]

Walmart.... These are cheap and I use them to make fruit punch Kool-Aid... After a while I use them for a piss bottle. You have to make sure that the little cap on the top is tightly closed! The lid screws on and off and they won't leak....

 

[Satanic Botanic]

Not to insult anybody here, but this is pure laziness. I will happily rise out of my warm comfy sleeping bag and stumble off for a piss in the snow rather than piss in a bottle. All y'all do all y'all, but please warn people before picking them up in your piss van. I've gotten picked up in nasty-ass vans that stink like piss and have piss bottles hanging around, and would have rather walked. Even if you don't smell the piss because you've gotten used to the smell of your own piss, I will.

Some call it lazy, I call it being efficient. Especially when you're city camping or in a public lot, you might have to walk a good lil distance to get out of sight. Not to mention having to get dressed.

As per principle, I don't use piss bottles if I'm drunk or fucked up in any way. That's just asking for trouble. As long as you're putting your dick all the way in the bottle and maybe wiping off the edges once you're done, you shouldn't really have a smell.

 

[Dameon]

Some call it lazy, I call it being efficient. Especially when you're city camping or in a public lot, you might have to walk a good lil distance to get out of sight. Not to mention having to get dressed.

Been there, done that.

 

[Odin]

Animal urine forms part of the nitrogen cycle. In balanced ecosystems it fertilizes soil and plants, which in turn continue to support the animal population. Some animals use it to mark their territories.

so far... yea if your bundled up its convienient to have a piss bottle but being neat and accurate is admirable.

also...learing to start n stop your wee wee on command is useful.
don't know how common an ability that is.

either way if you have ever swam at a public pool.... or crowded beach... your already probably..... a victim of ingesting trace amounts of scatological golden showers.

wtf...