Hillbilly Castro
Well-known member
I've traveled solo for the last three years, mostly hitchhiking, and mostly moving very fast. In the last year, I've started to feel this very dissociative, 'haunted' feeling when I'm on the move. I'll see families of normal people doing their thing and I'll feel this weird tinge of jealousy (even though I know they've got their problems and will probably divorce). I'll start looking at land and thinking about settling down. Then I'll stop moving for a month, maybe two, and immediately roll my eyes at myself and hit the road again. But then it'll happen again - seeing places and people roll past with immense speed makes me feel like I'm some ancient thousand year old wizard veteran and I feel a powerful desire to align myself with others. I paradoxically want stability and travel. I realize lately that what I want is a 'crew' or a band of nomads.
But when I go to hubs of travel culture, I don't find my people. When I hit the road, I had a lot of naive ideas about 'finding my people'. Prior to that, when I was a kid, I was a part of a group of country kids that called themselves 'The Brotherhood of the Mountain'. We built forts on the river, hunted, made bows, and cached food and blankets for our friends that had to run away from home or didn't have anything to eat. We were a family in that our loyalty was to each other before anything or anyone else. We all shared in each others struggles and made sure we made it through okay. We did a lot of revolutionary war reenactment with an old Vietnam vet from town and from that, we were able to intuit by age 10-12 that there was something very wrong with this world and that we'd have to be prepared. We would run miles, lift weights, swim up the river, do survival training, rifle practice, meditation, and would have intense discussions about what was to be done.
Well, fast forward to age 18 and drugs, work, prison, and the army work their way into the picture, and things fall apart. The brotherhood was no more. But having felt that strong bond for so much of my life in place of a functional family (my family sucked), I had gained sight of everything that life with other people could be, and could not induce myself to live the bland lives that other people my age were living. They didn't seem to give a shit about anyone but themselves, and even to themselves they're self-deprecating and cynical. So I hit the road, assuming that everyone else on the road had the same intense tribal intuitions that I had. I found that many had, but many hadn't. And that among a lot of the folks who had those desires, another type of cynicism had found its way in.
Now enough time in total solitude has passed for me that I am starting to wonder - do any travelers wind up finding a gang of totally solid folks and sticking by them like family? I'm definitely something of an anarcho-primitivist and figure that after 200,000 some odd years of nomadic tribal life, most of us are probably genetically hard-wired toward that way of being. It wouldn't surprise me if many of y'all were living that way. But I can't say I've seen a great deal of it. I've seen a lot of drunk punks moving around in relative isolation - and don't get me wrong, I love whiskey and Amebix and my solitude - but they don't feel like adequate lifelong replacements for the families and jobs and armies that once might have given us some feeling of unity, however fucked up, nor for the ancient tribal societies we once might have been a part of.
I'll say as well that I tend toward thinking that from 'the masses' emerges an aristocratic minority of innovators who manage to seize the most from their individual existences. Nietzsche's ideas, as well as Stirner's. So maybe my standards are waytoofuckin high. I envision these ubermensch banding together and forging a timeless familial bond. I know that too much solitude drives most people crazy (there are born hermits and I'm not one of 'em), but I know as well that the most readily available antidote to solitude - selling out - presents the most mediocre of existential possibilities. So I'm a bit stuck, and am wondering: have any of you navigated these questions and found answers in other people? Did you wind up accepting solitude, or endlessly boozing it up, or selling out? Are there other options I'm not seeing?
Much love to y'all, I love this forum
But when I go to hubs of travel culture, I don't find my people. When I hit the road, I had a lot of naive ideas about 'finding my people'. Prior to that, when I was a kid, I was a part of a group of country kids that called themselves 'The Brotherhood of the Mountain'. We built forts on the river, hunted, made bows, and cached food and blankets for our friends that had to run away from home or didn't have anything to eat. We were a family in that our loyalty was to each other before anything or anyone else. We all shared in each others struggles and made sure we made it through okay. We did a lot of revolutionary war reenactment with an old Vietnam vet from town and from that, we were able to intuit by age 10-12 that there was something very wrong with this world and that we'd have to be prepared. We would run miles, lift weights, swim up the river, do survival training, rifle practice, meditation, and would have intense discussions about what was to be done.
Well, fast forward to age 18 and drugs, work, prison, and the army work their way into the picture, and things fall apart. The brotherhood was no more. But having felt that strong bond for so much of my life in place of a functional family (my family sucked), I had gained sight of everything that life with other people could be, and could not induce myself to live the bland lives that other people my age were living. They didn't seem to give a shit about anyone but themselves, and even to themselves they're self-deprecating and cynical. So I hit the road, assuming that everyone else on the road had the same intense tribal intuitions that I had. I found that many had, but many hadn't. And that among a lot of the folks who had those desires, another type of cynicism had found its way in.
Now enough time in total solitude has passed for me that I am starting to wonder - do any travelers wind up finding a gang of totally solid folks and sticking by them like family? I'm definitely something of an anarcho-primitivist and figure that after 200,000 some odd years of nomadic tribal life, most of us are probably genetically hard-wired toward that way of being. It wouldn't surprise me if many of y'all were living that way. But I can't say I've seen a great deal of it. I've seen a lot of drunk punks moving around in relative isolation - and don't get me wrong, I love whiskey and Amebix and my solitude - but they don't feel like adequate lifelong replacements for the families and jobs and armies that once might have given us some feeling of unity, however fucked up, nor for the ancient tribal societies we once might have been a part of.
I'll say as well that I tend toward thinking that from 'the masses' emerges an aristocratic minority of innovators who manage to seize the most from their individual existences. Nietzsche's ideas, as well as Stirner's. So maybe my standards are waytoofuckin high. I envision these ubermensch banding together and forging a timeless familial bond. I know that too much solitude drives most people crazy (there are born hermits and I'm not one of 'em), but I know as well that the most readily available antidote to solitude - selling out - presents the most mediocre of existential possibilities. So I'm a bit stuck, and am wondering: have any of you navigated these questions and found answers in other people? Did you wind up accepting solitude, or endlessly boozing it up, or selling out? Are there other options I'm not seeing?
Much love to y'all, I love this forum