Hard time conforming. (1 Viewer)

D

Deleted member 15273

I deleted myself
I dropped out of high school at 11th grade. Left my hometown a couple months later. Been hopping freight since. That was about 5 years ago. I have worked in different states. But knowing that it was just until I hopped back out. Now I'm back in my hometown area. Im having a hard time with the fact that everyday I have to go to a job that I hate an waste my time away. I'm never going to let go of freight trains. But what if I wanted to have a kid or something. Any advice. Any one been in a similar situation? Just having a hard time deciding what life style to choose or where the balance is,? I feel lost. Haha
 
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OP
A

AlwaysLost

I deleted myself
Choose life because, I chose something else.


I was like you (minus the adventuring) for most of my life. But now I worship the Many Faced God. Its easy to conform. I got tired of getting hassled downtown. So I sat down one day for a couple hours waiting for the bus and watched how the corporate slaves, dressed and acted. Then I just went to the thrift store and bought the clothes that they wore, acted the way they acted, and talked how they talk..

If Im walking around my neighborhood, I walk and talk redneck cause guys in suits are viewed with deep suspicion, not to mention it makes you look like you have something to steal.. If I leave to go downtown, I go dressy. And I act like a gentleman wherever I go. Not because I am one but because it enables me to be invisible. And I meet more interesting people as well.

Conforming is an acting gig. I do it only to be invisible. Blending in is easy. Just think like a sheep and do and act as the other sheep do. But don't give up your fire. Tell yourself you are conforming to achieve your goals and not to be what they want you to be. Despite his hypocrisy, John Lennon hit the nail on the head here below.


Being happy in that conformed world is a whole nother conundrum. Even now I have a choice between a travelling gig that pays outrageously but lacks any long term stability; or being a wage slave. Roking that cash register as I slowly fall into the undertow of retail management until I either overdose on benzos or put a loaded shotgun into my mouth.

But even as the wage slave, I will only use it to further my own ambitions. Buy art supplies, spend money on art contests for social media etc. I won't buy a house and fill it with garbage I dont need. I only buy assets now and try to limit my liabilities. People are assets, memories are assets, adventures are assets. Squat the planet is an asset.

Going half a million dollars into debt to try and impress neighbors I hate. Forget it. Those are liabilities.


Work and conform to get what you want. Or don't. Just don't get hooked into all that corporate advertising propaganda nonsense. Understand it. Use it to your advantage. YouTube how to be confident (just dont fall into that alpha male crap). Youtube can easily lead you into Misogyny if you are not careful.

My entire wardrobe cost me $15 dollars but I am dressed to to nines for less than most of you spend on wines. Brand new clothes are a liability unless they get you a better job, a better mate, a better life.

My advice to you is to look deep into your heart and find your death star...If conforming helps you destroy it then I say do it. If it doesn't I say fuck it and hoist the black flag. Go your own way.

 
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OP
D

Deleted member 15273

I deleted myself
@AlwaysLost from what I understand your sober... and you get it, I'm a fucking drunk wanker and I get it...

Well trainspotting is not for the faint of heart.
Well I'm not really sober. Im definitely slowing down on booze. But I smoke a lot of pot. No heavy additions any more.
 
OP
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Deleted member 15273

I deleted myself
Either way. Fuck the illuminati. That's all I can say
 

bjorkedfork

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Messages
26
Hometown
Woodburn, Oregon
Gainful employment is a means to an end. Yeah, work sucks, especially if your doing something you hate, but its a tool and resource like any other. The real question is what are your working for and towards? Keep your living expenses minimal, be frugal, bank those stacks and when the time comes you will your freedom back. Most people in society get into debt buying shit they cant afford to pay cash up front with. Money is power. Money in your pocket is freedom. Look into rubber tramping and vanlife - be a homebum with a full time job. Its completely possible and realistic to bank up $10-50K in a few years. Just do it.
 
OP
A

AlwaysLost

I deleted myself
@Odin I'm only sober bro because i am tooafraid to fall into the abyss. If I fall this time, i ll never have the strength to get back up. The minute my art starts to sell i'm running the Basquiat playbook right into immortality and oblivion.
 
OP
D

Deleted member 15273

I deleted myself
Gainful employment is a means to an end. Yeah, work sucks, especially if your doing something you hate, but its a tool and resource like any other. The real question is what are your working for and towards? Keep your living expenses minimal, be frugal, bank those stacks and when the time comes you will your freedom back. Most people in society get into debt buying shit they cant afford to pay cash up front with. Money is power. Money in your pocket is freedom. Look into rubber tramping and vanlife - be a homebum with a full time job. Its completely possible and realistic to bank up $10-50K in a few years. Just do it.
Great advice. Thanks man. It's hard to get advice, when my family has no idea what I'm going through.
 

marmar

Newbie
Joined
Apr 19, 2016
Messages
191
Hometown
New mexico
I dropped out of high school at 11th grade. Left my hometown a couple months later. Been hopping freight since. That was about 5 years ago. I have worked in different states. But knowing that it was just until I hopped back out. Now I'm back in my hometown area. Im having a hard time with the fact that everyday I have to go to a job that I hate an waste my time away. I'm never going to let go of freight trains. But what if I wanted to have a kid or something. Any advice. Any one been in a similar situation? Just having a hard time deciding what life style to choose or where the balance is,? I feel lost. Haha
I dropped out of high school back in 2001, lol, long time ago. Still feeling same way, lost. But with settling here and there, wandering around and hating on society in between, trying alternative ways like communes etc, by the time I turned 30, I figured one thing, I think I figured..its to find something that you would enjoy doing for living and do it, work on it. Definitely better than wasting time on jobs that you dojt like. Or at least, be ur own boss, so you have the freedom you need. Freedom is most important, after all. Financial included. Its nice feeling when you have something to do and something you also enjoy doing
 
OP
B

Bumrumors

I deleted myself
I dropped out of high school at 11th grade. Left my hometown a couple months later. Been hopping freight since. That was about 5 years ago. I have worked in different states. But knowing that it was just until I hopped back out. Now I'm back in my hometown area. Im having a hard time with the fact that everyday I have to go to a job that I hate an waste my time away. I'm never going to let go of freight trains. But what if I wanted to have a kid or something. Any advice. Any one been in a similar situation? Just having a hard time deciding what life style to choose or where the balance is,? I feel lost. Haha


Try not being able to obtain employment based on the demographic where you ended up. I lived in the bayarea and went traveling because i was homless after 6 years of adult struggles to stay indoors due to financial burdens of societies unlawful rent hikes... So again we all end up in some purgatory but if you have work. And your depressed. Then leave. Some of your peers on this site or in general have daily issues with finding work vs flying a sign. Seems a lot easier to sit on a off ramp thab obtain a job. Takes an hour to fill out an online app, then have little to no viable skills, get a interview, possibly.. Just to be brushed aside because immigrants from mexico have takin all the entry level work american cotizens could be doin, not bias towards immigrants until recently when i realized in my home state i couldnt even work a mcdonalds or jack in the box with out being judged as a caucasian male who cant speak spanish. Entry level jobs are complete jokes for any one who cant speak spanish apperently?.
The sad state our lives have become since class seperation has engulfed the actual mainstream american job market. With housing at a alltime high, minimum wages at an all time low, and mostly bigger metropolotian cities being accepting to anyone, but the actual cost of living is complete horse shit... What is one to do? Squat steal & obtain our meger needs based on seasonal work with no idology towards race or religion..thats what.
So please, if you have a job, and can obtain some employment in your hometown, then dont bitch how mellon collie you are about settling. Its obviously a understatment to say your copeing with a mental issue not a physical one, such as the idea of settling must have came from a mistake in your travels, possibly a understatment....
Positive vibes your way young padiwan.
 
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OP
D

Deleted member 20975

I deleted myself
I didnt read everyone responses cause there were too many, so if im not telling you anything new then fuck me haha. But honestly you need to find what you want to do first. Thats the hardest part. Wanderin' free then suddenly running a weekly track can be depressing as fuck. Like a culture shock in a way. Keep taking those risks and keep that attitude that kept you alive in the road man. Dont settle for something that isnt fulfilling. Maybe do some schooling or get a trade or take a creative risk....? Check out this japanese ven diagram too:)
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Hobo Mud

Pilgrim
Joined
Nov 25, 2015
Messages
363
Age
42
Hometown
Columbia, Tennessee
I dropped out of high school in the 9th back in 1994. I can certainly relate and I have had success's and lot of bumps and challenges along the way. Have had long periods of travel and have had long periods of settlement through out the years.

If your anything like me after a few weeks of settling down I get that itch and restlessness to constantly feed that hunger that only the rails can provide me. Even if I were to settle down again at this point I still would need my therapy and train hopping provides that for me.

I know a lot of people and old timers that are tramps that live settled lives however they still find the balance of hopping freight and somehow manage what people would consider a normal life is there is such thing as one.

This is a very good topic and discussion and a subject most of us all will face at sometime and point of our lives. In the end, just do what feels right in your heart and remain true to yourself. You keep on keeping on brother man, safe travels.
 

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