any other travelers out there in the same boat???
No, definitely not. We've dropped out of society and totally critiqued pretty much all aspects of it, but we're totally cool with this gender thing that says we can only be violent idiots with huge cocks or submissive and curvy mommas-to-be.
(Thing is, I say that ironically but really, there are apparently some folks who have "awoken from the American dream" but somehow got caught up in some very conservative notions of sex and gender. But fuck them.)
My point is that if you hold any part of this society under a lens you find cracks in the narrative. It's all bullshit, and most people who are travelers understand that innately. I find, for example, that "normies" are
obsessed with food expiration dates and adhere to them in a way that strikes me as literally religious. I find this hilarious. Gender is totally the same. I wear skirts to family barbeques lately, as I've been hanging back home to save for Europe, and one of my cousins' new husbands wants to fight me over it. What is this bizarre theater? Why does he take the "M" on my birth certificate as seriously as the expiration date on some yogurt? Can't he use his fuckin'
instinct to assess each situation in context and realize that the old yogurt won't make him sick, and my wearing a skirt won't actually affect him even slightly? Well, no, he can't, because he is
spooked. Just like a ghost takes possession of a soul, ideas like gender actually warp an otherwise free individual into a puppet for their use.
We happen to live in one of the spookiest eras of all time. Everywhere you look, most people are not individuals but mirrors that reflect systems of ideas. This is as old as civilization, but appears to be intensified by the fact that we are soaked in a constant stream of information. No wonder our culture seems to love zombie apocalypse shit so much. Most people today are gender zombies. They just accept whatever idiotic belief was thrust into their hands as a kid, and are so alienated from their own desires and instincts that they cannot feel the extent to which they do or do not fit into classical ideas of gender. They simply carry forth the arbitrary lines they were shown at birth. It's as ignorant as patriotism or throwing away past-dated yogurt without smelling it, but it's a great litmus test for just how arbitrarily the powers that be can set things up.
You are among the aristocrats who've retained enough self-awareness and capacity to be reasonable to know yourself entirely. Importantly, the vast majority of human beings who ever lived lived in this way, and most did not need words to explain it. It simply was, that an individual felt themselves to desire a certain thing, and so they went for it. The vast majority of human beings were not civilized, did not know systems of social hierarchy, or patriarchy. Gender is an idea that has been present, as a rigid and inflexible absolute, in human history for only 10,000 years max. Humans have been human for at least 200,000. So you definitely ain't alone. You've just forged into territory that is timeless, but suppressed, and it is this suppression that makes it look as though you are wandering into unknown land. All you are really doing is reconnecting with desire. Good for you. I'm out here too. Maybe in the ether we'll find others, each other, or pull some more friends out from the huge throng of "true believers" in gendered idiocy. I used to believe, but the seeds of doubt were sown.
When I hit this point of "omg genderqueer" I found it most useful to put both middle fingers up and do me. I started carrying a knife, and I stopped giving anyone the time of day who couldn't respect me for who I was. And in time I personally found no real need for the infinite amount of new words that queer theory and tumblr seem to have generated. Those are good spells for inducing industrially-produced humans out of their state of anxiety about themselves, but after that, they become hard shells that outlive their usefulness. Identity is a prison.
Go! Teeter off the deep end. Our ancestors are there, as well as some of the most beautiful human beings you'll ever meet.
