Cornelius Vango disassociating myself from stp (1 Viewer)

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Coywolf

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Is it too intrusive for me to say that there is a special place in my heart for both StP AND the Library?

I would really hate to see this situation dissolve the relationship many StP members have with the Library and vice versa.

Because it kinda looks like that is happening...
 

dumpsternavel

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I think that's the point we are trying to get across. @Coywolf

Everybody has their own relationship, or lack of in relations to all things involved.
It's fine to disagree, or feel differently. That is always welcomed. But this is a very pinnacle moment that has been an issue for many involved with all of the above. And it's very important that we all be honest, and transparent about what our individual, as well as shared experiences have been.

I have some great memories, and skills, and opportunity that stemmed with my relationship to Cornelius, and the Library. But the amount of counter experience as well should not be dismissed. That's occured for far too long, in my opinion. This dismissal, based mainly on Cornelius' well known status within the community.
 

Pokebert

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I haven’t been super active on the StP forums the last couple of months, but as an admin for the Discord server and a friend of Matt Derrick, I wanted to chime in on this situation.

I haven’t been acquainted with everyone here for more than about a year, but I can surely say this: Matt has gone out of his way to respect my identity as a queer person and support it fully. When I got my non-binary California ID (gender marker X) he told me how rad it was. He fully supported me making gender pronoun roles in the discord server so that people could be referred to correctly and respectfully. I’ve talked with him before about my struggles as a non-binary and bisexual person, and he has always used my they/them pronouns even when I said I don’t usually mind he/him.

But you, Corn? The one time I took action as a moderator and muted you for a literal five minutes, you flipped the fuck out on me. You were literally drunk and starting a flame war in the Discord. Yes- I should’ve possibly maybe muted the kid who was a bit of a dick back, but YOU were the one who kept pushing when I kindly asked you to stop flaming.

I had to have a goddamn huge message session with you for you to even stay in StP because I muted you *for 5 minutes*. I did it for Matt mostly, and also because I respected what you’ve brought to the community.

Clearly you’re willing to burn that, so now I am willing to add into this conversation to say that I fully believe you are demonizing Matt and that you have issues with toxicity. If it’s clear to me only knowing you about a year, that should say something.

That is all.
 

Eng JR Lupo RV323

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Just wanna get a refresher here.. this all started because Matt used the pronoun "they" when referring to a person he's known for many years as a "he/him" but recently this person has identified with "she/her" and Matt used the neutral/ambiguous pronoun of "they" not once but twice that night and you jumped his shit for it. That's what kicked off this entire feud right?

Yo I'm sorry but that's fucking lousy of you to get so aggro over. How fucking petty, seriously. Had he been saying "he/him" all night, sure.. you might have a leg to stand on but "they"? You're gonna create all this chaos over "they"? Then add to that- you actually took just that little tiny thing and blew it all the way up into Matt's a transphobic asshole?

My oldest child(20) is a transboy, he opened up about it around 2 years ago. His mother and I are mad supportive but dude there's STILL a random slip up now and then when we're referring to him and we accidentally say "she" or "her". He's cool about it though, like a rational adult yanno. Are you gonna tell me I'm transphobic too? Or maybe, just maybe you could consider just exactly how hard it is for everyone else who's not a trans person to completely rewire their brain from the pronouns they've always used for a person.

It isn't fucking easy, but you just keep trying to get it right. Oh and you know what makes it even harder? When the person has some physical/vocal traits that closer resemble their former gender a lot more than the one they identify with. I happen to know for sure the person we're talking about here has a deep, very deep voice. How dare you slip up Matt.. how dare you. Why can't you just get it right!

I don't even have a dog in this fight. I'm not trying to defend or attack anyone. I'm just calling that shit like I see it. Maybe I'm part of the problem though. Maybe I'm a huge transphobe too, because I also have those rare but frustrating slip ups where I get the pronouns wrong.

Lastly, this is the most dramatic longest drawn out disassociation I've ever witnessed. Almost makes me wonder if that's the actual goal or perhaps it's just to manifest chaos because misery loves company doesn't it?
 

Cornelius Vango

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I would think that, by virtue of having had discussions with you before in DMs, chatted with you in the Discord, and being in your own personal Discord server... means I know you in some way.

We have never had a personal connection through indepth conversation. I'm not opposed to it in any way and you're welcome to reach out, but you do not know me. You're still welcome on my discord, and i did apologize for my over the top behavior in that isolated situation in which you were involved, and we already spoke about it when it happened and came to an agreement, or so i thought.
 

Cornelius Vango

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Just wanna get a refresher here.. this all started because Matt used the pronoun "they" when referring to a person he's known for many years as a "he/him" but recently this person has identified with "she/her" and Matt used the neutral/ambiguous pronoun of "they" not once but twice that night and you jumped his shit for it. That's what kicked off this entire feud right?

Yo I'm sorry but that's fucking lousy of you to get so aggro over. How fucking petty, seriously. Had he been saying "he/him" all night, sure.. you might have a leg to stand on but "they"? You're gonna create all this chaos over "they"? Then add to that- you actually took just that little tiny thing and blew it all the way up into Matt's a transphobic asshole?

My oldest child(20) is transmasculine, he opened up about it around 2 years ago. His mother and I are mad supportive but dude there's STILL a random slip up now and then when we're referring to him and we accidentally say "she" or "her". He's cool about it though, like a rational adult yanno. Are you gonna tell me I'm transphobic too? Or maybe, just maybe you could consider just exactly how hard it is for everyone else who's not a trans person to completely rewire their brain from the pronouns they've always used for a person.

It isn't fucking easy, but you just keep trying to get it right. Oh and you know what makes it even harder? When the person has some physical/vocal traits that closer resemble their former gender a lot more than the one they identify with. I happen to know for sure the person we're talking about here has a deep, very deep voice. How dare you slip up Matt.. how dare you. Why can't you just get it right!

I don't even have a dog in this fight. I'm not trying to defend or attack anyone. I'm just calling that shit like I see it. Maybe I'm part of the problem though. Maybe I'm a huge transphobe too, because I also have those rare but frustrating slip ups where I get the pronouns wrong.

Lastly, this is the most dramatic longest drawn out disassociation I've ever witnessed. Almost makes me wonder if that's the actual goal or perhaps it's just to manifest chaos because misery loves company doesn't it?

Thats not what happened.
 

Cornelius Vango

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The alliance wasnt ended over the transphobia. As i said before, matt ended our friendship over a text. Fine, I'll just put it out there... Take it as you will;

Matt came out to the library on my birthday unannounced. I was ecstatic as he was one of my dearest friends. We spent a few days catching up and hanging out. It was great. The day before our falling out, we spent the whole day together. He was printing out his dnd maps for the campaign, we went out to eat etc. I was having a conflict with my associate andrew aka @VikingAdventurer who has helped me to occupy and maintain the library because he had acted like a d-bag while drunk. The next night we sat down and talked it out and came to an accord and everything was fine and we resumed hanging out as usual.

It wasnt too long before we began discussing some things and our mutual friend came up. She is trans and used to be one of Matt's close friends. I and she had had multiple conversations with Matt in the past about how it makes her uncomfortable that he refers to her as they instead of her preferred pronouns. When he called her they again, i spoke up and corrected him. He then went off on a long tangent about how he tries super hard and how that should be good enough and makes so much effort to respect peoples pronouns but during the entire tirade refused to refer to her in female terms evein once. I was very calm in addressing him because frankly, i was in shock at his outburst.

When i corrected him for a third time, he lost his shit and stormed out of the library.

The next morning, he got up early and approached my crew, reportedly talking shit on me while also blatantly misgendering me to my own crew which shows me that his respect is conditional. I was not told of this until later that morning.

He came into the library and hurriedly collected his things. I was up drinking my morning coffee and said to him "yo what's up" and he completely ignored me, got in his car and drove off. Minutes after, he sent me this text;

"You were being an incredible jerk last night pulling a lot of PC fascist bullshit because you were very drunk and high and wouldn't let something incredibly minor in a conversation go, and now you're losing a friend over it.

You get mad at Andrew for coming back again and again over the same thing when heavily intoxicated yet it's okay for you to do it because in your mind it's justified.

I have never had a problem with calling autumn by her preferred pronoun, but I'm also not going to stand by while you Lord over me on every instance of the use of 'they' that comes out of my mouth instead of 'she' because that's not good enough for you.

Also, statements like 'im so glad I'm seeing this side of you now' over something so trivial as using a nongendered word to refer to someone is extremely condesending and really made you sound like a huge asshole.

The fact that you chose to end our friendship like this is a testement to the fact that you need to seek help for your alcoholism. I've defended you to all your former friends for years now, but now I finally realize they were right and I just can't do it anymore.

You need to seek help, because the list of friends you formerly had is going to one day be longer than the ones you still do have. Especially when you attack friends over petty perceived slights because you can't tell the difference between that and reality.

This is the last I have to say about it, and your won't receive any further responses from me. Its going to take quite a while before I'm ready to hear anything from you."

When i heard from my crew about him approaching them and speaking about me as he did it was kinda like game over... i decided to go into the discord and make the situation public. He bold faced lied about my level of intoxication, stating that i had killed a half gallon and was acting belligerently and blamed the whole situation on me being an alcoholic and continued to slander me. Ephemeral was right there ready and waiting to chime in with further lies and slander. That's an entirely other issue that i am happy to expose if necessary.
 
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EphemeralStick

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Ha expose? The heck you gonna expose other than my already incredibly apparent dislike for your actions?

Also THAT was the message Matt sent you? That was the reason you got on discord and started calling him a transphobe? Jesus fucking listen to what the people who cared about you are saying, sheesh.

You ARE an alcoholic and you DO need help. Trying to get you to see that is like lighting a match underwater.
 
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salxtina

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It's confusing to me that folks are treating the word 'transphobia' as if it's 'name calling / labeling a person' instead of a description of actions - a subjective description that can be disagreed about - but treating it like it's a character attack in itself, kind of misses the point that there's a difference between intent and impact.
 

EphemeralStick

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Everyone knows I'm an alcoholic and the people that you claim "cared" about me didnt have anything to say about until it became a convenient tool of leverage to invalidate my ability to process reality.
No Corn, we always cared. You just interpret our criticism as attacks then you lash out at us until we have no choice but to defend ourselves.

Can you truly sit there and say I never cared about you? That I didn't always try to be there for you when you were hurting? That I didn't care while I held you in my lap as you cried?

You were my best friend but this is what you drove our relationship to. It's what you drive everyone to.

You have no one to blame for this but yourself, because we honestly all tried. Your refusal to change yourself for the better drove us all from your life.

Live with it.
 

EphemeralStick

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A fake friend? Why, because of the countless times I tried to reason with you? To get you to cut back your drinking and take accountability for your actions?

No Corn. Not even close.

It easier for you to write me off as a fake friend than it is to accept that how you treat people is wrong.
 

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