Best Bus Driver EVER?

[veggieguy12]

I feel like this is just some bizarre, quintessential Florida bullshit: a guy steals the citybus, but just drives on the routes. He doesn't steal any fare money. And he returns the bus to the depot at day's end. And then he does it again. And then one more time, for good measure. article

I expect many StP members have an experience with a cool bus driver who just kinda "Ah, whatever." when you boarded with inadequate or no funds.
But I'd like to hear some stories beyond that, some crazy shit or tales of someone exceedingly nice behind the wheel. I'll begin, with something y'all can easily outdo.

I was once visiting a friend who'd given me incorrect directions to meet him. So I get to the bus stop, and as I board I ask the driver about his destination.
Me: Are you going up on North 4th Ave.?
Operator: Oh, you want the bus goin' th'other way. Thass' other side-a th'street.
Me: Really? 'Cos my friend sa/ (interrupted)
Operator: HEY!, I'm the Bus Driver! (looking around, and pointing thumb to himself)
Me: Uhh, okay... thanks? (chuckling as I exit bus)
Operator: (muttering) Man, all this bullshit, comin' to me, don't know, I know.

Fair enough, he was correct about that direction.

 

[macks]

boarded a few times in SF with no fare, just walked by the driver and said thanks.. other than that I've been able to make the fare. in PDX a driver gave us a ride into town for free, bus drivers are hit or miss like anything else though..

 

[Matt Derrick]

one time in los angeles:

me (standing outside the bus): how much is the fare?
driver: (waves me in) come on! come on! get in! im way too drunk to care! now hurry up before i change my mind...

and of course anyone that's taken the bus in los angeles knows that their bus drivers are the worst, least qualified people available. we were taking turns that nearly tilted the bus on two wheels, and constantly hitting curbs (this happens constantly even with bus drivers that aren't drunk).

 

[veggieguy12]

Mattpist: thank you.
Hilarious.

 

[Labea]

this one time i was getting off a bus and this girl that wanted to kick my ass was getting on and she pretty much kicked my ass, but the bus driver had gotten out and backed up car drivers were all standing around us trying to pull us apart. my brother stood and laughed...

and i've also gotten on busses without paying for the transfers, just for as far as the bus was going. and with expired tickets.

once, when stuck in fremont, close to berkley, we thought we had enough to board the bart and we didnt and we asked this guy who worked there for help and we were short a couple bucks, and he gave us a bart card with money on it. that was sweet.

 

[dirtbag]

Best bus driver? I was on a Greyhound from Amarillo to Albuquerque. Boarded in Amarillo at about 2 in the morning. Had just gotten off a bus from St Louis that had the WORST driver ever. That guy threatened to throw a half dozen of us off at least 3 times. He also got a flat somewhere in the Ozarks and while we were all outside smoking and bullshitting he came out there and yelled at us to cut down on the profanity.

So I was drunk, tired, and pissed off from the previous driver.

We board in Amarillo(don't know how many of you have been in that station, but it's fucking disgusting). Our driver starts in with the generic Greyhound driver speech about hand rails, seat backs, no smoking/drinking/drugs, waiting to get up until the bus is on the interstate, etc... And he gets to the part about the drinking and drugs, and says "now I'm sure you all know the law and know you can't drink or smoke on the bus, but we do have a restroom in the back and there's no way I can see it. But should you choose to indulge. Please, hook up your driver."

He then proceeded to tell jokes all night long much to the chagrin(sp?) of a pack of angry blue hairs headed for Phoenix.

 

[doombear]

i had a bus driver one time, he'd crack jokes over the speaker and then announce the stops and blow a little wooden train whistle. and another one that gave me and my friend directions to a punk house, 'cause he'd always seen them all drunk and drank their beer when they left it behind.

 

[RandomRaccoon]

I was on a ferry once and the captain pretended to b a pirate, voice and all...
kinnda some chezzy shit but pretty cool for the employee of a goliath corporation

 

[wokofshame]

when i was in vancity i was just walking down the hill from the skytrain stn once about 2 am or so and a bus just screeches to a halt next to me, the placard says 'out of service' and i'm not even at a stop but the busdriver tells me 'get in. it's late to be out'.
saved me a mile's walk and of course didn't ask for fare.

PS dirtbag that amarillo station IS a black hole. I had a busdriver blow up and start swearing after the cargo doors of the dog flew open on our way there. He bought a roll of ducttape at the Flying J and taped them shut after a state trooper pulled us over, i guess people's bags must have been flying out onto the interstate

 

[veggieguy12]

MURT, that's really awesome for the driver to slam the brakes and offer the help, huh?
And to everyone: Thanks for the responses; they're all great to read.

 

[dirtbag]

PS dirtbag that amarillo station IS a black hole. I had a busdriver blow up and start swearing after the cargo doors of the dog flew open on our way there. He bought a roll of ducttape at the Flying J and taped them shut after a state trooper pulled us over, i guess people's bags must have been flying out onto the interstate

Where were you heading in from? That ride I spoke of earlier from St. Louis to Amarillo was fucking unbearable because of the driver. Dude kept swaying over onto the rumble strips on the side of the highway. Then eventually blew a tire out. That was around 5 in the morning. He explained to us that it was going to be quite a wait until they could get someone out there to change the tire. Then insisted we all remain seated. Eventually around 6:30 or 7 in the morning everyone complained until he let us off to go have a smoke and stretch.

Once we finally got rolling he was behind schedule so he quit letting us get off the dog to smoke at the stops to try and make up for lost time. Still ended up 4 hours late when it was all said and done.

Weirdest thing with all of that was some real old Mexican dude who was on the bus wandered down the road and came back carrying a flattened Armadillo he'd found on the side of the road and for some reason was real fucking proud of it.

My one bit of advice if you ever end up in the Amarillo station. Never look in the mirror when you're washing your hands. Three shitters with no stall doors on the opposite wall. So you look in the mirror and you'll be bombarded by a trio of home bums defiling the porcelain. If I never go back there it'll be far too soon.

Sorry to derail the thread with that. Just needed to be said.

 

[elokupa]

I wasnt on this bus but it was on the news awhile back: There was a bus full of British tourists in some eastern european country which had to stop cos the driver noticed a problem with the hydaulics or some shit. The bus was stopped on steep hill with sheer cliffs off the sides of the roads, you know, typical mountain roads. Anyways the drivers under the bus check out the works, next minute he hears everyone scream and realises the bus is rolling towards the cliff. The driver, being one brave motherfucker, rams one of his legs under the front wheel in an attempt to stop it; it crushes his leg, rolling over it, this time he jams both his legs under the back wheel and the bus stops, saving a fair few lives.

Now id say that was the best bus driver ever, i think he won a medal.

 

[Hobo Mud]

Interesting story....