30 years old. i cant do this anymore | Squat the Planet

30 years old. i cant do this anymore

Uip Bumms

Nov 17, 2023
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i left america because my life was in danger and i was worried about going to jail, so ive been living in europe and canada for the last like 5 years.
recently i fell in love with someone and messed the whole thing up while i was on drugs id never taken before and now im in india. i tried to live in eastern europe but things are getting unstable there so i tried to come back to the uk and be on the street there but i couldnt handle my own thoughts. ive always been able to handle my thoughts enough that traveling would make me feel better. now i cant handle who i am and im not who i thought i was. i used to be very religious and have this spiritual relationship with the world and now its very hard to deal with my own actions in the past especially because i thought i was very moral person who was just misunderstood.
oh also i had a near death experience and a brain injury when i was 19 within a few months of each other so im kinda fucked up from that still.
also like, i have some sort of health problem that makes me tired all the time and i dont know what it is
i cannot commit suicide because whenever i start to i can tell its a really bad idea.
i get a little bit of money from the government every month to sustain myself after a brain injury i had when i was 19 but i cant help spending all of it on coping mechanisms. i am desperate for mental health help but its very hard to find a therapist and online therapy is 50 euros for 30 minutes which is insane to me.
my basics of survival and comfort are settled but i cannot stand being in my head anymore.
i dont want to take medication because it makes me fat and theres always a time where its hard to find and coming off of it is incredibly difficult.
much love to yall if you read this, you can dm me if you want to get my facebook or something to call.
im desperate for any help or advice you can give.
ive handled all the things that were done to me but i cant handle that ive been a bad person to others when i didnt want to be.

thanks for listening.
i became comfortable with my flaws before this but now i cant handle them at all.
take care
Last edited:


Well-known member
Mar 1, 2023
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Thanks for sharing with us, I hope some people have sent you DMs. We have very different circumstances, but one thing I may suggest to you is, as a overweight 43 year old, being far might be a small price to pay for what good the meds might do for you.

I also used to be very religious, and Traveling started as a spiritual thing for me back in May 2000 and it's a real drag to lack that now, so I feel you on that. If you want to expand this convo privately, feel free to DM me, though I think others may benefit from it too. Please hang in there and keep us updated.

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