ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ ɯoɹɟ sƃuᴉʇǝǝɹפ

[diozihcs]

Hey all, hope you're well.

I'm not feeling great at the moment but after finding this site a couple of times and feeling a weird sense of deja vu upon reading the second time, I've decided to join.
I might get more into my individual circumstances in the context of the forum itself, but it's probably a pretty familiar story
I've always had mental health issues, well... In regards to society at large I have. I don't feel that I'm actually that bad, but trying to make my life work in the context of full-time wage slavery etc etc has always put me in precarious positions.

I've had short periods of homelessness, 3 in total, and I've always felt like I'm okay with that, but the pressure/judgement from others is really intense. If I choose to go travelling again that would be the third time I've intentionally upped and fucked off-- so, six instances in total of completely starting over I guess, in the period of 15 years. I'm starting to wonder when I'll just fuckin' commit, you know what I mean?

Being in my 30s now, I'm really starting to wonder if... That's what I am.
A drifter. At least part time.
I keep getting hopelessly depressed when I stop and amass possessions and try to fit in; I lose all perspective and desire to live. I've been doing that for over 3 years, tried my first live-in relationship (nope,) tried 3 seperate career paths, and now find myself just... fucked. I can barely move. I have the luxury of a house to myself etc etc and I spend most of the time on the couch. I feel more trapped and hopeless than I ever have, which is the impetus to consider travel again.

I've got a small amount of debt but at the end of the day, nothing accruing interest and nothing that I couldn't handle creatively or put off indefinitely with a few well-placed phone calls. I feel that this forum could be a useful resource for finding ways of negotiating situations such as that also, and most of all, I need a bit of perspective and probably a bit of a reality check before I sell all my shit again and just jump in the car.
That said, I've spent fuckin' SO much money on crap over the last few years aaaand... I don't use it, I just sit here and rot away and feel despondent that my creative nature is entirely dormant, and there's a whole fuckin' world out there and I'm sleeping it away.

I saw a copy-paste which I think originated from here, which ultimately lead me back to check the place out again. It put forth that there's nothing wrong with travelling for a spell, stopping, grinding out some work or whatever, rinsing, repeating... I feel like a lot of people have actually found home by doing that. Me, on the other hand... I'm still living for other people and their opinion of me, and it's really starting to wear me down.

Huh. I thought I had nothing to say. Take care all, looking forward to getting to know ya.
-schiz

 

[WyldLyfe]

Cool.. another person from Australia. Ya seem a bit stressed or upset, don't worry, take steps at a time to change your situations as best you can.. what else can ya do ay. Anyway welcome..

 

[Koala]

Heheh love that your thread title appears upside down

Yeah dude sounds like you need to hit the road indefinitely, others judgement of what your homelessness/traveling is just them preaching the cookie cutter mold they've been brainwashed into thinking is "The Only Way/The Right Way". I sometimes get sucked into that and start believing it but then remember that nah, we gotta do our own thing, what we really desire deep down.

Good luck getting out of that rut and out of the house. Where in Vic are you? I spend time in Melbs a lot when I'm around and love Vic's coasts. Hopefully wherever you are you're safe from the fires.

 

[WyldLyfe]

Oh ya I'm also in Vic, heading out to Ararat atm.

 

[diozihcs]

Thank you both for the warm welcome. The advice of making small changes is really good and definitely the best approach for me right now. I've been taking just one small step a day in order to do something at least, be it a bit of research or a phone call or talking to a friend. I appreciate your kind words Koala, you speak a lot of truth there and have summed up the dilemma really nicely.

I have a traveller friend dropping by a bit later today and I'm going to have a good talk with him about the realities of the road and how I can prepare. I've always ended up running out of money and retreating to a sense of familiarity rather than stopping and growing further wherever I end up, which I think is the key thing I've failed to do.

I'm near the Ranges/Yarra Valley atm, planning to drive up to Canberra to catch up with a friend for the weekend and potentially scope out some WWOOF/work exchange hosts on the way up. If I may ask, is there work in Ararat or are you just heading out there for a laugh?

 

[WyldLyfe]

Work? Not sure, I'm not working there or looked, but yeah if I wanted too I'm confident I could get work, there's shops, holiday motels an a few industrial looking sheds ect.. Visiting people tho an stuff.

 

[jimi]

Welcome! I'm also playing with ideas of how to incoperate traveling into my life again after being housed up for a long time. What things specifically about traveling do you think makes you feel more comfortable or fulfilled? What, if anything, do you want out of life, or at least the next few years? If you have a good understanding of that, it may help with developing a comprehensive plan and sorting out the logistics.