Scared

creature · Jun 24, 2017

pack the car & go.
if you're being evicted for sure, then screw the hearing, since it's not criminal.
judgment will be made for the landlord & that will be it.

you'll be gone.

you wait for the shit to hit the fan & it will fly.

right now you are so far ahead of the game that it isn't funny.
you have a legal vehicle which cannot be repo'd without due process, so throw your shit in it & get the hell out.

you're going to be paralyzed by taking all the steps you think you are being forced to take, hoping for an outcome that will leave you in an ok state, when there's zero fucking probability of that.

are you employed?
no.
have money to pay back rent or get a new place?
no.

have a car you can drive wherever, & ask for help with gas from folks on the road?
yes.
want to be able to take some food & water with you, and some extra stuff if you're going to house up again?
yes.

load your car up & go.
now.

you keep talking to us from the vantage of fear & weakness.
there is no way to help anyone who ties their own hands like that, other than to offer pity.

if *you* can't take action, neither can anyone else.

i'm afraid i won't have much else to say on the matter, either, since you're really not tell us all that much.

good luck, sis.

pack & go.

A New Name · Jun 24, 2017

Ah, trial by fire.
Yeah you'll do well to listen to creature and leave the mercy seeking/political correct mind behind.
Lose your fear and find your fierceness, but keep your compassion.

Dunedrifter · Jun 24, 2017

I would start looking through the crust surfing section and find yourself a cooler climate to move on to. Check the ride board to get yourself there. Stay away from bigger cities and small towns; you want something in between. I know you're scared, but consider for a moment that you are also free to set off on an adventure. Think positively!

AlwaysLost · Jun 24, 2017

0degrees said:
My phone is being shut off on Wednesday....They are also taking my car away this week...I feel so isolated already....I keep telling myself this is my new life and I just have to adjust. ..I think I might die out there so I suppose I have to just accept that as well....Nothing I can do...

If your phone is an android you can still take advantage of the free WiFi on the city bus, library, college, Starbucks etc etc.

And I second what creature says. You got to woman up and don't let the fear cripple you.

Load up your car now with food, water and whatever survival gear and head for a medium-sized-liberal college town in a cooler climate.

It will be easier for you to have a car which is a safe place to sleep until you get the hang of things.

TheWindAndRain · Jun 24, 2017

You say no one will help you, but you just have to ask, hold up a cardboard sign telling people the truth if you need money, hell I am going out to do that right now at walmart. I had no phone or internet service yesterday, no food and no money yet panhandled up to get a new phone and service. Closed mouths don't get fed so get your hustle on and ask strangers for what you need. Assuming you are not a thief or heavy drug abuser, if you make it to silver city NM (it never reaches 100 degrees here) I have an extra bedroom and bathroom here for as long as you need or any other STP member. Creatures recommendation of Prescott AZ is another good one.

creature · Jun 24, 2017

Zero,
Wind's offer of shelter is probably a Godsend.
if you're being straight, he'll at least have strong pointers for you & can teach you at least a few, critical skills while the space is available.. that's what you call a lifeline, & Wind? i'm sorry if i've sounded smarmy, at alll..

if nothing else, you'll have a place to park & get oriented & plan from.
you'll have a place to hide your car from any repo gahks..
make sure you bring the title with you.
i know nothing about repo laws, but i would suspect you have at least 30 days for your wheels to remain legit. you may have longer, or may be able to extend by making intermittent, partial payments..
i really don't know.

in any case, since we don't know your situation, we can't offer any more than the most amorphous advice.
if you're solid, just on some bad luck & need some space to either get back to work or properly launch yourself on a new existence, then it sounds as if you have an opportunity in front of you at least as good as where you've been.

if you are in your 20's, you're young enough that you are going to find a path towards new confidence & strength.
if you are in your 30's, you are going to find that you are at a fork in the road, between existing as you have in the past, trying to maintain that keel-line; or throwing yourself to new seas, made more ominous by leaving habit behind.

if you are in your 40's or more, then you have to look at the skills you have & acquire confidence.
see what mistakes you have made before and change your approach towards what causes them.
are you too naive? do you rely too much on others? do you blame folks for not being what you think they should be? are you expecting business people to actually be fair, rather than seeing you as a mere commodity?

regardless, there is no pity, here, because resources are few, other than the strength that one hand can offer to another.
& believe it or not, when you have a resource that honest, you are actually holding the hand of power.

you've worked & taken care of yourself, so you have at *least* that much strength, an that is not nominal, at all.

you have what it takes to do what you need.

decide, therefore, what you want.

the worst thing in the world is to let circumstances force your hand, because circumstances are random.
no one here, who knows the joy, peace, terror or love of traveling, and who has any reserve of friendship about them which they are able to offer other travelers, has simply let the wind buffet them.

i am not saying we are not leaves in the wind, but that we *choose* to be leaves in the wind, and i do not know why, but *making* the choice seems to give us a little more wisdom, which prevails upon where we are thrown..

decide what you want, but do not decide from fear.
decide from what makes you feel safe.

challenge, however, any sense of safety &/or comfort, by asking yourself what *truth*, living in you.. that truth being what you truly & actually *love*, would have you do..
if you love comfort above all else, then you will be buffeted or denied, more than any other kind of living creature..
if you love comfort, in the sense of having only what you need, because it is a place from which you feel you may do the most good, then you will be blessed..
it will be a screaming, angry, unholy & unfair fight against what you are given, but you will nonetheless accomplish at least *some* of the good you desire.

& that is a better way to die, or lose whatever gamble you take, in order to be whom you most are..

0degrees · Jun 24, 2017

Dunedrifter said:
I would start looking through the crust surfing section and find yourself a cooler climate to move on to. Check the ride board to get yourself there. Stay away from bigger cities and small towns; you want something in between. I know you're scared, but consider for a moment that you are also free to set off on an adventure. Think positively!

Being free of all responsibility might be a very good thing...I never have to worry about what anyone thinks either...I know they will always look down on me now. ...So what's the point of putting on Aires. ...it's freedom in many ways..I do see that....

0degrees · Jun 24, 2017

creature said:
Zero,
Wind's offer of shelter is probably a Godsend.
if you're being straight, he'll at least have strong pointers for you & can teach you at least a few, critical skills while the space is available.. that's what you call a lifeline, & Wind? i'm sorry if i've sounded smarmy, at alll..

if nothing else, you'll have a place to park & get oriented & plan from.
you'll have a place to hide your car from any repo gahks..
make sure you bring the title with you.
i know nothing about repo laws, but i would suspect you have at least 30 days for your wheels to remain legit. you may have longer, or may be able to extend by making intermittent, partial payments..
i really don't know.

in any case, since we don't know your situation, we can't offer any more than the most amorphous advice.
if you're solid, just on some bad luck & need some space to either get back to work or properly launch yourself on a new existence, then it sounds as if you have an opportunity in front of you at least as good as where you've been.

if you are in your 20's, you're young enough that you are going to find a path towards new confidence & strength.
if you are in your 30's, you are going to find that you are at a fork in the road, between existing as you have in the past, trying to maintain that keel-line; or throwing yourself to new seas, made more ominous by leaving habit behind.

if you are in your 40's or more, then you have to look at the skills you have & acquire confidence.
see what mistakes you have made before and change your approach towards what causes them.
are you too naive? do you rely too much on others? do you blame folks for not being what you think they should be? are you expecting business people to actually be fair, rather than seeing you as a mere commodity?

regardless, there is no pity, here, because resources are few, other than the strength that one hand can offer to another.
& believe it or not, when you have a resource that honest, you are actually holding the hand of power.

you've worked & taken care of yourself, so you have at *least* that much strength, an that is not nominal, at all.

you have what it takes to do what you need.

decide, therefore, what you want.

the worst thing in the world is to let circumstances force your hand, because circumstances are random.
no one here, who knows the joy, peace, terror or love of traveling, and who has any reserve of friendship about them which they are able to offer other travelers, has simply let the wind buffet them.

i am not saying we are not leaves in the wind, but that we *choose* to be leaves in the wind, and i do not know why, but *making* the choice seems to give us a little more wisdom, which prevails upon where we are thrown..

decide what you want, but do not decide from fear.
decide from what makes you feel safe.

challenge, however, any sense of safety &/or comfort, by asking yourself what *truth*, living in you.. that truth being what you truly & actually *love*, would have you do..
if you love comfort above all else, then you will be buffeted or denied, more than any other kind of living creature..
if you love comfort, in the sense of having only what you need, because it is a place from which you feel you may do the most good, then you will be blessed..
it will be a screaming, angry, unholy & unfair fight against what you are given, but you will nonetheless accomplish at least *some* of the good you desire.

& that is a better way to die, or lose whatever gamble you take, in order to be whom you most are..

Truly beautiful....indeed...comfort is a state of mind..I've been denied life's material comforts most of my life...This is a horrible thing that is happening to me and I honestly think I'm going to be dead in the next couple if weeks...I have no-one and nothing...and no way to survive....I know I can sleep and eat in that shelter but that isn't life....Love is life and it is non-existent. ....Lack of love is certain death....I believe all the crazy rejects I have ever known were never loved....I've known many and tried to give them love. ...I'm kinda glad I did...Maybe that's my legacy....don't know

Will Wood · Jun 24, 2017

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creature · Jun 24, 2017

looking down on you..?
what difference does that make??

look.. this is too serious to fuck around.
you want to live & be free, or do you want to live & be a schizo shopping cart lady?
or just fucking dead?

whatever drama you need, sweety, you make.

this isn't 'days of out lives' & this isn't 'boo hoo, woe is me..'

wipe off your fucking glasses, or fucking die.

AlwaysLost · Jun 25, 2017

creature said:
looking down on you..?
what difference does that make??

look.. this is too serious to fuck around.
you want to live & be free, or do you want to live & be a schizo shopping cart lady?
or just fucking dead?

whatever drama you need, sweety, you make.

this isn't 'days of out lives' & this isn't 'boo hoo, woe is me..'

wipe off your fucking glasses, or fucking die.

Getting a little out there bro. Let's try and be a little more supportive. We are men its easier for us. For whatever reason its in our DNA to just sharpen a stick and sleep peacefully among lions.

She will get there but the first time doing anything adventurous can be terrifying.

@0degrees you are going to be OK. Just because you are homeless doesn't mean you can't find love or joy.

Hang in there. Its a difficult adjustment period but its not forever either.

creature · Jun 25, 2017

Almost, yeah.. def harsh, and my apologies in part, but that harshness is intended as a real warning shot.

if she *doesn't* get out, and *doesn't* make use of what resources she might find here (if they are all she has), then there is absolutely no way to describe to her how badly torched she may very well be, if she just sits still.

if she doesn't pack her car & go, or use what small reserves she has left, *now*, and she is evicted *and* her car is taken, she's looking at a real good chance of all of her stuff being thrown into one of those piles you see on the street & that get picked through by whomever passes..

at that point, if she *hasn't* packed or otherwise prepared, her main recourse will be a shopping cart.

i frankly think that pity or gentleness is out of place, if the only action being done is hand wringing.

she needs to be scared enough not be paralyzed, but to *run*, if there's nothing else constructive she can do.

if she has a repo company after her, and is def going to be evicted, she has to get it together, now.

i don't know her real situation, other than the very few fatalistic details she's given.
if they're accurate, then it seems to me that every single minute, literally every minute she grieves, hesitates, stalls, second guesses or otherwise delay is one minute closer to her wheels being gone.

now, if she just wants to throw everything away & pull out with just a pack, that's a different story, but i would advise her to transition a little more slowly, than to just jump out on the trail without any previous experience.
that could wind up putting her in the worst circumstances possible.
like the very worst.

so i'm being a prick because her life is in actual danger.

if she's really in the situation she describes, her life is in fkng danger.

she may survive, but if she's on the streets with a shopping cart or a suitcase, then her deliverance is only a function of her experience & chance.
there is no guarantee she will meet up with nice people.
there may very well be a certain Grace that moves within existence, but it is not failsafe by a long shot.

i mean, if she has family, great.
if she has friends, great.
if she has anyone at all, great.

but she's told us, as best as i can ascertain, that she doesn't, and i'm not one to believe that magic rescues are the norm.. there are way too many people out there that have burned up on re-entry to not try to point out the fact that they should use whatever they can as some kind of parachute.

once she *does* something, *then* people can help.

to me it seems that if somebody is in a burning building, it's better to jump when people are willing to catch them, than to wait for the flames to burn them out the window..

if she has other resources, yeah, she'll probably be ok.
if she has 6 days at the shelter, then she's ok for those 6 days, with whatever she's salvaged.

(BTW, Zero, if you hold on to the car, screw the shelter, because you'll have to do something to keep it safe.
I would try to find a couple of good traveling kids who will help teach you to jug for gas and use the car as your base. you have direct offers of help, here, that are probably far better than a shelter.. but.. that's all your call..)

i don't think this is about finding love or joy, at all.
i don't think it's about adventures.

that doesn't happen until she exits the building, and unless there are other relevant details that she can convey that might reflect other options, the only thing i think she needs to hear is "grab what you can & RUN!"

if she wants to brood over broken loves, do it while you are getting the hell away from where they happened..
if she wants to feel sorry for things that haven't worked out, fine.. but feel sorry while you are getting to where you can start over..
if you just sit & weep, because tears are the only thing you can have faith in, well.. believe me..
they *will* consume you.

AlwaysLost · Jun 25, 2017

creature said:
Almost, yeah.. def harsh, and my apologies in part, but that harshness is intended as a real warning shot.

if she *doesn't* get out, and *doesn't* make use of what resources she might find here (if they are all she has), then there is absolutely no way to describe to her how badly torched she may very well be, if she just sits still.

if she doesn't pack her car & go, or use what small reserves she has left, *now*, and she is evicted *and* her car is taken, she's looking at a real good chance of all of her stuff being thrown into one of those piles you see on the street & that get picked through by whomever passes..

at that point, if she *hasn't* packed or otherwise prepared, her main recourse will be a shopping cart.

i frankly think that pity or gentleness is out of place, if the only action being done is hand wringing.

she needs to be scared enough not be paralyzed, but to *run*, if there's nothing else constructive she can do.

if she has a repo company after her, and is def going to be evicted, she has to get it together, now.

i don't know her real situation, other than the very few fatalistic details she's given.
if they're accurate, then it seems to me that every single minute, literally every minute she grieves, hesitates, stalls, second guesses or otherwise delay is one minute closer to her wheels being gone.

now, if she just wants to throw everything away & pull out with just a pack, that's a different story, but i would advise her to transition a little more slowly, than to just jump out on the trail without any previous experience.
that could wind up putting her in the worst circumstances possible.
like the very worst.

so i'm being a prick because her life is in actual danger.

if she's really in the situation she describes, her life is in fkng danger.

she may survive, but if she's on the streets with a shopping cart or a suitcase, then her deliverance is only a function of her experience & chance.
there is no guarantee she will meet up with nice people.
there may very well be a certain Grace that moves within existence, but it is not failsafe by a long shot.

i mean, if she has family, great.
if she has friends, great.
if she has anyone at all, great.

but she's told us, as best as i can ascertain, that she doesn't, and i'm not one to believe that magic rescues are the norm.. there are way too many people out there that have burned up on re-entry to not try to point out the fact that they should use whatever they can as some kind of parachute.

once she *does* something, *then* people can help.

to me it seems that if somebody is in a burning building, it's better to jump when people are willing to catch them, than to wait for the flames to burn them out the window..

if she has other resources, yeah, she'll probably be ok.
if she has 6 days at the shelter, then she's ok for those 6 days, with whatever she's salvaged.

(BTW, Zero, if you hold on to the car, screw the shelter, because you'll have to do something to keep it safe.
I would try to find a couple of good traveling kids who will help teach you to jug for gas and use the car as your base. you have direct offers of help, here, that are probably far better than a shelter.. but.. that's all your call..)

i don't think this is about finding love or joy, at all.
i don't think it's about adventures.

that doesn't happen until she exits the building, and unless there are other relevant details that she can convey that might reflect other options, the only thing i think she needs to hear is "grab what you can & RUN!"

if she wants to brood over broken loves, do it while you are getting the hell away from where they happened..
if she wants to feel sorry for things that haven't worked out, fine.. but feel sorry while you are getting to where you can start over..
if you just sit & weep, because tears are the only thing you can have faith in, well.. believe me..
they *will* consume you.

No I get it bro, totally but we can't help her if we scare her away.

creature · Jun 25, 2017

AlmostAlwaysLost said:
No I get it bro, totally but we can't help her if we scare her away.

yeah.. i guess it is throwing gas on the fire..

i really just don't want to see her loose her car, before she gets a chance to land somewhere else..

to me, that would be the worst possible outcome..

Grubblin · Jun 27, 2017

Yes, it's a serious situation, and it won't be easy, but you'll make it bc you'll have to. People's true strengths come out when they most need to, you'll find your way. Taking action now will make it easier for you later. Any mistake you make is better than every inaction.

Hillbilly Castro · Jun 27, 2017

Just chiming in to second the idea: Get in that car and GO! Go while the goin's good. Drive and drive and drive, ask strangers for gas if you need it, sleep in your car with a tire iron in your hands and some curtains up. You'll learn. But goddamn if you let that car go everything will go differently, for the worse.
You aren't gonna die, just like that. You keep mentioning death and I'd like to imagine you'd put up a fight before you'd just keel over, that you'd exhaust every resource like a true survivor before you laid down and accepted fate.. There is always something that stands between you and death until there isn't, and that something is usually thicker than you'd imagine. Take some deep breaths, accept that a new chapter of your life is here, and breathe until you can accept it as an opportunity for a new type of beauty. Then, learn to swim. Learn to find good-to-eat food in the dumpster. Learn to find seasonal work when you need it. Learn to tie a hammock up to sleep in. Learn which boots are good for walking and which ones are garbage.

creature · Jun 27, 2017

Zero?
I'm sorry if i've sounded anything other than scary..
letters on an LCD are way less scary, however scary they sound, than actually finding yourself in a situation whre "scared" just doesn't quite cut it.

nothing like a knife on you, in the middle of the desert, during a rape attempt, along with a punch to your jaw, to get you to focus on how bad shit can be, unless you get your act together, pronto.

Most of the time there is trust and Fraternity.

Most of the time, you jump into a freight car & there are other riders, it's ok..

Most of the time people are cool.

what sucks is just how many look look friendly, but only want to strip the fucking meat off your bones, and eat you for as long as they are able to.
those fuckers will hurt, repeat *HURT* you.. as in maim you, rape you repeatedly, cut you without regard to your recovery, steal your shit & throw you out of a car, etc., etc., etc.,

the only thing that determines initial survival is:
1A) how ferocious you are when your consciousness drops into 'kill or be killed'
2) how do i get away with the least amount of damage.
& 3) a prayer that if you need to be able, that you *are* able to kill, if needed (and thus deserved).

I would put "talking" as a way out, as #1, but.. that's really a bit background..
kind of like breathing..
if it works, good.. maybe it even does, in most cases..

you *hope* talking is ok, but when it fails, it is off the fucking table, entirely.

be ready for what is next.

have a goddamned weapon.

maybe not a fatal one, though no blame for that, but surely a painfull one.

swift & fucking painfull..

so make sure you can get in you car..

hell.. go up to HillBillyCastro's Place..
I may be there, soon, myself.
I will help you get there, if gas is what you need..

but get the hell out & go..

Cornelius Vango · Jun 29, 2017

AlmostAlwaysLost said:
Getting a little out there bro. Let's try and be a little more supportive. We are men its easier for us. For whatever reason its in our DNA to just sharpen a stick and sleep peacefully among lions.

Eat a fucking dick, dude. I'll sharpen a fucking stick with your bleeding skull.

AlwaysLost · Jun 29, 2017

Cornelius Vango said:
Just because one pers

Eat a fucking dick, dude. I'll sharpen a fucking stick with your bleeding skull.

I'm sorry I say stupid shit sometimes I really didn't mean anything by it.

Cornelius Vango · Jun 29, 2017

AlmostAlwaysLost said:
I'm sorry I say stupid shit sometimes I really didn't mean anything by it.

Fuck that disparaging bullshit. Where are you sitting right now, Mr. Balls-in-my-hands?

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