just read every word posted to this thread, well... that's your choice if you decide to go back, but I sincerely hope you try staying clean for a bit, and when I say a bit, at least a year..... if not more.
I personally try things for 1001 days to see if they work out, unless it is obviously wrong for me.
they say relapse is a part of recovery, to an extent I buy that, but for the most part I don't.
from past experiences - including my own, and those of close friends - once something becomes important enough, you make it happen no matter what.
one sober brother told me he went to all kinds of clinics etc.... to kick booze, but he kept going back to the drink.
the only way he stopped was when he truly wanted to.
mind over matter I guess - and yes, I am well away of how the violent withdrawls can actually kill folks if not under medical care.
a friend of mine got off H back in maybe 1990?? but he was now a slave to M
funny story, we went to see Flipper in New Haven in - 1992?? - and Bruce Loose was hurting something fierce so a trip back to Marks place to help out Bruce....
anyhow there was immense joy when Mark got off M completely - which as I recall took a solid 20 years of weening.
I think he was 55 at the time - maybe, anyhow.... he died a couple of years later - from another curse: the pain management program.
every single person I know who got into the pain management program is dead or on their way.
please don't replace one addiction with another.
thankfully there are many support groups nationwide and it is there where you will make connections for life.
bullet proof love peglegron..... may you and anyone else reading this who is at a turning point in their life find the path that brings you to peace and an end to your suffering.
