Split in half, late night rant

CelticWanderer · Apr 19, 2015

I don't even know what im doing posting this but shit,
im fucking losing it and if i don't do something, i dunno. This community seems to care more about strangers than most the people i know cares about their friends.
I got off work from redlobster at around 12:30. Went to a bar and drank didnt get home till three am.
I had to walk, and otw home i just got so fucking angry. I guess at all this shit surrounding me?
The perfect lawsn, the fucking bullshit stores, the bullshit fast food joints, the bullshit car dealerships.
I just went fucking nuts, totally out of my mind. I was pulling up signs for political fucks, scratching up dealership cars with my keys, tearing up church lawns with my hand, threw rocks at lcd screens for adverts, tipping over trash cans. just doing everything i could to disturb the place i see everyday.
I wanna go travel again, and i tried but failed miserably. I was scared, i felt helpless, I don't fucking know.
Now im housed up with my parents, about to try and go to school and do this work everyday at a shit job for 5 years while i go to learn shit i dont want o learn in a place i dont want to be in
so i can go work at a place i dont want for money i dont fucking care about for a house that i dont need so i can die with money and nothing else.
It makes me fucking sick.
but everything is stopping me.
All my family and friends say its wonderful im finally trying to do something with myself even though ive gone through hardships they cant imagine and came out better than before.
but now, i dont know.
Im fucking lost. Split in half, no idea who the hell or am or what my passion is.
fuck i dunno, I'm only 22. I have a lot of time,
but fuck if things do start changin soon. I don't know.
sosrry for the rather pointless attention seeking rant. Take it down if need be. I just need someone to talk to who doesnt know me well enough to say i have a shit load of potential and im wasting it.

Tripp Dover · Apr 19, 2015

your not alone.. this explains nothing but gives me justification to why i freak out too. Its normal. Your 2years into your 20's im 2 away from my 30's. Oogle life makes me want to only vomit. A worldade for those with little green to pieces of paper. Id loce a new car, mortgage, wife and kids. I just know it wont happen accepting day by day.

"" Mid-twenties Breakdown: A period of mental collapse occurring in one’s twenties, often caused by an inability to function outside of school or structured environments coupled with a realisation of one’s essential aloneness in the world. Often marks induction into the ritual of pharmaceutical usage.""

-trippdover

Tude · Apr 19, 2015

Hmmm can't help you there sir - it is all up to you - and shall not state what my Mom always said to me when I had something go wrong or wish for something I could not have "So what are you going do do about it". grr If I knew I would do it. Sorry Mom - love you. However I will say that I am older and have STUFF and a herd of cats (and a new bug on the way) and thanks to facebook - am realizing that people I graduated with are retiring early and are hmmm buying retirement home in SC, another fullfilling his daily lovely pics as a photographer in the desert, another with his horse ranch in TX and so on ... Ok, so they are set up - I'm not and never will be.

meh - I led a wild lifee

My only wish is that before I got so bogged down in life was that I pursued some of my travel ideas. Just go and experience. I did a lot of research and knew where I wanted to go, where I didn't want to go - how I was going to travel (I would have been the @Kate Westcoast of the 80's hehe - my bicycle idol

But I didn't - fell into the routine of a paycheck and paying bills and camping once in a while. I do get out now - have a couple or more 3 day solo bicycling events planned for this year - buit still I wish I had followed my head back then. I'm rather stuck with my decisions now but you can do whatever you want too.

Enjoy your life and don't miss out on it.

wizehop · Apr 19, 2015

Two things here,

Firstly, I know how you feel and I agree with you regarding the rest of the world; but here's the thing, what everyone else wants and is in to, doesn't have anything to do with you. If people need to have perfect lawns, fine, fuck em. If people need a nice car to feel better than others, fine fuck em. If they get suckered into buying expensive clothing in order to fill an empty void..you guessed it, fuck em.
Human nature isn't going to change any time soon, and for the masses that's the way they are. Some people need to follow the heard to feel like they are part of the greater community. Others don't have the courage to be who they are and spend their life trying to fit in by doing things they don't agree with while bitching the whole time. Unless you love humankind so much that your ready to dedicate yourself to a revolution that will never happen, I wouldn't worry about the rest of society to much. Instead maybe focus on what you want out of life, which like most of us here, is probably a certain level of freedom from all that shit.

Now, I've yet to find a form of freedom where I'm truly free yet also able to do anything I want, when I want. Freedom for me means options in life, and living on the streets gives me a lot less options, than say doing contract work from time to time; or getting a job for a year or two, saving up and then fucking off for a good while. Sure I hate having to work, or hanging out with certain groups of people, but I love being in new and strange places, and each year that means going farther and farther, which of course cost fucking money.
So for most part there is always a trade off. When I have to work (which seems to be more and more these days cause I want to do more and more), I focus on why I'm working and where that money is going to take me. Nothing else matters, not the guy with the nice car, not the girl with the expensive purse, or even the fucking hipsters at the organic bicycle shop.
Nothing in life is permanent good or bad, so if its shitty for a bit just focus on what you need to do to get to where you want to be, and just do it. Anger comes from being powerless, but your not. You just need to stop feeling like the rest of the world should bend to your views, and instead focus on what you want to do with your life. You have 100% control over your future, that's the only power you need. So don't be mad at the rest of the world, realise you can do what ever you want and be happy in the pursuit of your goals. Again if you want to try to change human nature by all means go for it, but being angry isn't the right angle.

22 is young man, of course you don't know what you want just yet. That's why its important to spend a few years giving yourself options so when you know for sure what you want, you are able to do it. If you drop out of life now, you can probably kiss 9/10 of what life has to offer you good bye. And at 22 you still have the majority of your life left to live. I got into a lot of shit as a kid, I got expelled from high school (with a restraining order) flunked out of collage and so on, it was never my thing either.
But here I am at 35 wondering if when I went to school what I could have done for myself should I had taken a course studying a career that paid me to travel, and actually finished. I fucked around and the time still passed. A few years seems like a lot, but fuck it feels like yesterday I was 22 and in school, and its been 13 years already. So now Instead of making money while travelling, I have to spend a lot of time and energy working a job I don't necessarily want, into order to do what I want later on.

If you have potential, giving up on the world would be about the biggest way to waist it. You will have the rest of your life to be free. If you have the option to go to school and pick a profession, then spend the next couple years working on that. Once you have a degree or a skill set, its with you for the rest of your life and it will give you options. Options which will not only empower you, but also give you a greater freedom than relying on others for food, money, or transportation, which sadly is a popular notion among the travelling community.

Time will pass, things will change, weather you do anything or not. So use that time to shape those changes for yourself. Ask yourself where you want to be when your 35 looking back over your life. It may feel like a lifetime away, but you will be here in a blink of an eye.

Tude · Apr 19, 2015

I luv sir @wizehop -

sage advice

Desperado Deluxe · Apr 19, 2015

@wizehop Hehe organic bicycle shop.

Tude · Apr 19, 2015

Fox Spirit said:
@wizehop Hehe organic bicycle shop.

Long time acquaintance from bicycle website just opened his own bicycle shop in Milford, MI - and named it after another website bicycle fiend who passed suddenly as he was working out on his trainer. Total green and organic shop.

Anyway - Hey OP @CelticWanderer - you have friends here and your not alone - let us know what you think you want to do -

VikingAdventurer · Apr 19, 2015

@CelticWanderer ... Dude. I've been there, PLENTY of times.

wizehop said:
I know how you feel and I agree with you regarding the rest of the world; but here's the thing, what everyone else wants and is in to, doesn't have anything to do with you. If people need to have perfect lawns, fine, fuck em. If people need a nice car to feel better than others, fine fuck em... When I have to work (which seems to be more and more these days cause I want to do more and more), I focus on why I'm working and where that money is going to take me. Nothing else matters, not the guy with the nice car, not the girl with the expensive purse, or even the fucking hipsters at the organic bicycle shop.
Nothing in life is permanent good or bad, so if its shitty for a bit just focus on what you need to do to get to where you want to be, and just do it. Anger comes from being powerless, but your not... Focus on what you want to do with your life. You have 100% control over your future, that's the only power you need... Time will pass, things will change, weather you do anything or not. So use that time to shape those changes for yourself. Ask yourself where you want to be when your 35 looking back over your life. It may feel like a lifetime away, but you will be here in a blink of an eye.

I couldn't have said this better myself.

To add to this, though, if I were in your position, I would check to see if I had any sick days, vacation hours, etc. and/or try to switch schedules with some coworkers, so that you can take a week or two off, and just pack up some supplies and go camp in a section of the woods that you're somewhat familiar with. It'll give you an opportunity to clear your head, figure out some shit, refocus on what you really want out of life, and refresh/recharge your spirit.

We got your back, bro.

CelticWanderer · Apr 19, 2015

wizehop said:
Two things here,

Firstly, I know how you feel and I agree with you regarding the rest of the world; but here's the thing, what everyone else wants and is in to, doesn't have anything to do with you. If people need to have perfect lawns, fine, fuck em. If people need a nice car to feel better than others, fine fuck em. If they get suckered into buying expensive clothing in order to fill an empty void..you guessed it, fuck em.
Human nature isn't going to change any time soon, and for the masses that's the way they are. Some people need to follow the heard to feel like they are part of the greater community. Others don't have the courage to be who they are and spend their life trying to fit in by doing things they don't agree with while bitching the whole time. Unless you love humankind so much that your ready to dedicate yourself to a revolution that will never happen, I wouldn't worry about the rest of society to much. Instead maybe focus on what you want out of life, which like most of us here, is probably a certain level of freedom from all that shit.

Now, I've yet to find a form of freedom where I'm truly free yet also able to do anything I want, when I want. Freedom for me means options in life, and living on the streets gives me a lot less options, than say doing contract work from time to time; or getting a job for a year or two, saving up and then fucking off for a good while. Sure I hate having to work, or hanging out with certain groups of people, but I love being in new and strange places, and each year that means going farther and farther, which of course cost fucking money.
So for most part there is always a trade off. When I have to work (which seems to be more and more these days cause I want to do more and more), I focus on why I'm working and where that money is going to take me. Nothing else matters, not the guy with the nice car, not the girl with the expensive purse, or even the fucking hipsters at the organic bicycle shop.
Nothing in life is permanent good or bad, so if its shitty for a bit just focus on what you need to do to get to where you want to be, and just do it. Anger comes from being powerless, but your not. You just need to stop feeling like the rest of the world should bend to your views, and instead focus on what you want to do with your life. You have 100% control over your future, that's the only power you need. So don't be mad at the rest of the world, realise you can do what ever you want and be happy in the pursuit of your goals. Again if you want to try to change human nature by all means go for it, but being angry isn't the right angle.

22 is young man, of course you don't know what you want just yet. That's why its important to spend a few years giving yourself options so when you know for sure what you want, you are able to do it. If you drop out of life now, you can probably kiss 9/10 of what life has to offer you good bye. And at 22 you still have the majority of your life left to live. I got into a lot of shit as a kid, I got expelled from high school (with a restraining order) flunked out of collage and so on, it was never my thing either.
But here I am at 35 wondering if when I went to school what I could have done for myself should I had taken a course studying a career that paid me to travel, and actually finished. I fucked around and the time still passed. A few years seems like a lot, but fuck it feels like yesterday I was 22 and in school, and its been 13 years already. So now Instead of making money while travelling, I have to spend a lot of time and energy working a job I don't necessarily want, into order to do what I want later on.

If you have potential, giving up on the world would be about the biggest way to waist it. You will have the rest of your life to be free. If you have the option to go to school and pick a profession, then spend the next couple years working on that. Once you have a degree or a skill set, its with you for the rest of your life and it will give you options. Options which will not only empower you, but also give you a greater freedom than relying on others for food, money, or transportation, which sadly is a popular notion among the travelling community.

Time will pass, things will change, weather you do anything or not. So use that time to shape those changes for yourself. Ask yourself where you want to be when your 35 looking back over your life. It may feel like a lifetime away, but you will be here in a blink of an eye.

Shit, Thanks for writing all that out wizehop, I needed that.
Sometimes I just lose my head and need to be brought down to earth.
those few paragraphs helped more than you can know.

Jaguwar · Apr 19, 2015

Damn @wizehop... Very well said. It's not too late for you either. Just saying.

Desperado Deluxe · Apr 20, 2015

Tude said:
Long time acquaintance from bicycle website just opened his own bicycle shop in Milford, MI - and named it after another website bicycle fiend who passed suddenly as he was working out on his trainer. Total green and organic shop.

Anyway - Hey OP @CelticWanderer - you have friends here and your not alone - let us know what you think you want to do -

I googled "organic bicycles" and found this
http://www.stalkbicycles.com/
Well I'll be danged they are real.

Jaguwar · Apr 21, 2015

That's simultaneously weird and cool. Nice find!

Cotton Kittyhawk · Apr 26, 2015

Hey man, just wanted to drop a line saying I'm in a similar situation. Twenty two myself, with the option to continue working a shitty job to put myself through college with help from family, and all i wanna do is travel. I think Wisehop made a lot of good points. He seems to travel in a very smart way.
I'm planning on traveling again, but for different reasons then the first two times i've tried. I'm t not doing it to run this time. I'm doing it in my own form of protest, and to find my own great perhaps. My world views are kind of fucked so the last thing i want to do is help humankind, on account of i think we're the world's biggest problem, and every job i can think of would do just that, help humans live forever. Even something as simple as what i've been doing, cooking. So instead Ill try to see this country and the world and separate myself as much as i can see possible from consumerism.
Best of luck on whatever you decide. HMU if you ever want a travel buddy haha

lone wolf · Jun 3, 2015

wizehop said:
Unless you love humankind so much that your ready to dedicate yourself to a revolution that will never happen, I wouldn't worry about the rest of society to much. Instead maybe focus on what you want out of life,

this part of your post hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. i waste much of my time researching history, government, corporations and health to the point of driving myself crazy with a feeling of helplessness.

i'm writing your words down to carry with me always. it's time to start living!

Andrea Van Scoyoc · Jun 5, 2015

Seriously epic post, in a big way @wizehop ...

I can't add anything to wizehop's expert post except to say...you're only 22.

You have your whole life ahead of you. I'm old enough to be your mother and I'm just now in the beginning stages of living my dream.

It's never too late...

Look back on your life if you want to have regrets...don't waste your life looking forward to them.

Good luck...

Durp · Jun 5, 2015

@wizehop thank you for your words of wisdom. I had to read it a couple of times to truly absorb. You just helped me solve my own delema of whether I should just say fuck it to school and run and hide till I'm sick of eating potatoes and Raman again. You are right I really need to block politics from my view and stop getting pissed and wasting precious life and energy over it. I'm about to be 24, and recently decided to put my self thru programming school to allow me to travel and consistently have work on the road with out breaking my back again (literally). Staying motivated and focused Is hard for me but you just helped.

At op I'm right there with ya man, but I don't have any folks to house me up.

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Split in half, late night rant

CelticWanderer

Well-known member

Tripp Dover

Member

Tude

Sometimes traveler is traveling.

wizehop

Chasing the Darkness

Tude

Sometimes traveler is traveling.

Desperado Deluxe

Well-known member

Tude

Sometimes traveler is traveling.

VikingAdventurer

Guardian of the Knowledge of the Wastes

CelticWanderer

Well-known member

Jaguwar

Rebirthing phoenix

Desperado Deluxe

Well-known member

Jaguwar

Rebirthing phoenix

Cotton Kittyhawk

Well-known member

lone wolf

Well-known member

Andrea Van Scoyoc

Nomad Missionary & Tree Hugging Jesus Freak

Durp

Well-known member

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